New Year's Eve....

Wow....what a year. Where to start. This year was amazing. Chance has once again worked his tahookie off and has received 3 raises this year. He's so amazing and I'm so blessed to have him. He's my rock and my constant reminder that everything I've done has been worth it. He had an amazing year and I hope this next year is just as great if not better!

The kiddos have come a long way this year....first year of public school. Madi is soaring and Jaxon is doing the typical boy thing....and catching on a little later. But he's been coming along by leaps and bounds. So proud of my kids. They are the biggest lovers and so kind hearted. Can't imagine where they get that from.

My Momma moved off to Wisconsin and is happy as can be. And my Daddy is doing really great as well. I haven't stayed in contact with my brother Donnie as much as I would like (something to work on this year), but we both know we're still here for each other, day or night. My sister Tonya and I are still just trucking along. She's one of my very best friends. I can show my true colors to her and she doesn't judge me or try to talk me out of something. She gives me honest feedback and I appreciate that. My brother Tim and I have become super close. That makes my heart happy. That was the one relationship in my family that I was lacking. And it has grown so much. We're closer than ever :) My entire family seems to be doing great.

Then there is me.....what to say. This year I made the hardest decision I've ever had to make. To most people it's something insignificant, but to me, it's important and changed my life. I had my surgery for gastric sleeve on June 6th and since then I have lost 84 pounds. It's not just about the numbers though.
I can stand for 10 hours a day and not want to die at the end of the day.
I can run with my kids and I still become very winded, but I CAN run with my kids. My back problems are gone.
My hip problems are gone.
My asthma is nonexistent.
My headaches so every 2-3 months instead of weekly.
I only go to the chiropractor every 2-3 months...and that's for my headaches.
I can go up a flight of stairs and not become winded.
My husband can pick me up and carry me to bed.
My husband can buy me the super sexy lingerie and not have to worry if he can find it in my size or if he's going to upset me when it's too small.
My husband can wrap his arms all the way around me :)
I can shop in regular department stores...and super trendy stores, and no one looks at me like I shouldn't be there.
I still have a long way to go. So many things I still have to work on. I have to work on the emotional aspects of it all. I hope that in 2012, I can be more comfortable in my own skin. I hope that by next Christmas I'll be getting my Mommy makeover and I'll never have to see my flabby tummy again....lol...it's the small things. I've not vain, I just want to feel pretty again. So hopefully, 2012 will have that in store for me.

Thanks for reading my ramblings and thanks for all the support throughout this process! I hope you all realize how much it means to me :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

thoughts....

I saw this image in an article today...and it is the epitamy of how I see myself. It's really sad how I look at myself. I have days where I think I look great, and other days I look in the mirror and tear myself up. I do have the markings of twins....that's awesome and I'm covered in scars from all my previous surgeries. Chance asked me a good question the other day...."When are you ever going to be happy with what you see in the mirror? When are you finally going to be happy to be you?" Great questions...and questions that I truly don't have the answers for. I know that I'm a great person. I'm an amazing Momma and great wife. I like to think I'm a great friend. I am very selfish at times and I take way too much shit from people 90% of the time, mainly because I'm worrried that I might hurt their feelings....which is kinda funny....lol.....cause they're hurting mine. I still have to physically stop myself from eating when I'm happy or sad or celebrating or depressed....so all the time pretty much....this really sucks. There I said it. I am still a work in progress and I have a feeling it's going to take a whole lot longer than I thought....crap. lol I didn't weigh this morning, I actually refused to get on the scale after all the Christmas goodies I ate this weekend....I'm just in denile...and that's cool...but instead of looking at the weight I most likely put on, I'm going to look at the fact that I'm down 80 some odd pounds and I'm happier and healthier than I've been in years.....who cares that I have a huge pocket of skin where a flat tummy should be, who cares that my arms are flabby and who the hell cares that my boobs have shrunk....cause Chance still thinks I'm beautiful and I kinda think I'm alright lookin too....hehehehehe...

Not weight related at all.....

but I just had to share that Mad-dog tied her own shoes today! That's a BIG deal!! LOL I hope to look back at this blog in a years to come and be able to read things like this and cherish it. So there's my spill for today!! YAY! Go MADI GO! :)

SW: 281.8
CW: 199.0

I didn't lose much this week, but I'm still losing! WOOT WOOT! It was a really great weekend, and I splurged a little too much....flippin soda is still the devil. Drank some on Saturday night and my weight on Sunday morning was back up to 203.0...holy crap. And I just drank water and milk yesterday and my weight was back down to 199 this morning....amazing how much water soda can make you retain. Anywho---Hope you all have an amazing week!! :) The in laws will be here on Wednesday or Thursday, then Christmas on Sunday! YAY! The kiddos are super excited and counting down the days religiously...lol

Week .....not so sure....lol

I know it has been six months and one week, soooo....week 25? lol

SW: 281.8
CW: 199.6

I lost exactly 1 pound this week...and I couldn't be happier!!! Because that one pound did something very special for me.....I'm now a happy citizen of....
ONEDERLAND!!!!

Holy smokes....what an amazing feeling! Just to see that one at the beginning of my weight, it's awesome! I'm still overweight and according to my BMI, which is 28.6, I am overweight....but just for the record, I started out in the Obese range, so I'm happy with overweight at this point :)

Have a wonderful day!!! I know I will :)

woah.

I got all kinds of fancy last night! I did my hair, just like Aubrey told me, did my makeup, just like Chante has showed me a million times and I put that dress on and worked it just like Kaley and Rozalynn told me to....and it worked! I had people that didn't even recognize me! The big joke of the night was, "Hey Chance, who's this lady, you're wife is gonna get pissed." lol Made me laugh, then you have the haters who obviously said it through clenched teeth "Oh wow, you look so nice." Thanks.....lol But anywho---here's the final product :) Made my heart happy to finally be Chance's arm candy.....you see, I've always been his arm candy according to him, but in my little mind I was always just the girl with the pretty face....and now, I'm the whole package....it may seem shallow as hell, but it's a great feeling.






I had a few drinks and walked around a lot, my feet are bruised this morning....heels are NOT my friend...lol But all in all it was nice! And the best part was when I hopped on the scale this morning and it read 200.6!! WOAH! I figured since I drank last night that my weight would go up a notch or two...but nope...it sure didn't...went down almost 3 pounds! SWEEEEEET!

VICTORIES!

Chance forced me to go shopping today....you see, his company Christmas party is on Saturday night....yay. I dread shopping, it's like the plague or something...I feel like everyone stares at me and is judging everything I pick up. I am still (in my head) the almost 300lb girl shopping at stores she shouldn't even be in. But you see, I'm a lot smaller, I just forget that I am. So I went into Forever21. wow. First of all, that place is ginormous! SO SO overwhelming. I needed my psychologist right then and there...I honestly could have called him and had him walk me through this....totally ridiculous...lol...but the truth. I kind of just did a beeline for the front doors...I wanted out...immediately. I always thought that when I lost enough weight to shop in all the stores, that I'd be jumping for joy, but in all actuality, it's super overwhelming for me! How do people pick out clothes!? SO many damn options! I don't know if any of you skinny people know this, but us big girls have 2 stores to shop at for the most part and the other stores have a plus size section, that's about the size of my ass and completely separate from the rest of the store....like JCPenny's for instance...there plus size is on the second floor.....nice. assholes. Anywho---stepping off of soapbox now...lol...back to my original thought...too many options...I need someone to hold my hand and take me shopping...I determined today that I have NO fashion sense...so sad to admit it, but it's the truth! I need to find myself in the fashion world. so I'm recruiting my dear friend Kaley. Forgive me in advance girl! It's gonna be tough! LOL

So the exciting news! I bought a dress in a size...........12!!!!!!! HOLY CRAP! That's right! A 12. I haven't been a 12 since like 8th grade. Seriously...wow.

I feel beautiful again....Even made a trip into Frederick's today! Chance is excited for that...lol

Thanks for reading my ramblings...I love and appreciate all of your support more than you guys know!

just some thoughts....

Thanksgiving was last week. It went surprisingly well. It was probably the hardest thing I've had to do yet. All that delicious food and my teeny tiny tummy wasn't exactly the best combination. But I just kept reminding myself of how far I've come. I had a drink or two and enjoyed a great meal with my little family and my best friend. It was probably one of the nicest and most relaxed Thanksgivings we've had in a while.

I weighed in again this morning and I weighed in at 204.4! Nice start to my day ;)

We got our Christmas tree in last night! It's a 9.5' prelit SILVER pencil pine. It's SO beautiful!!! I've always wanted a silver Christmas tree and Chance made that dream come true this year! We decorated it last night and it's all lit up as I type.



I know I always talk about how blessed I am, and I sometimes don't think I deserve all of the love I receive. Chance is the greatest man I have ever known. He supports me on my super bad days and holds me up when I know that I can't possibly go on anymore. He tells me how beautiful I am daily almost hourly...lol...and he tells me when to pull my head out of my ass as well. He loved me when I was big and beautiful and he loves me in my smaller frame as well. I have the craziest days and he just sits in the floor and holds me when I cry or laughs at me when needed...lol He loves our kids in a way I didn't think it was possible for a man....he does everything for them and me. I guess I just needed to write all this out, in short, he's amazing. I'm thankful for him. My therapist says that an addict will transfer addictions. I had a tryst with pills and almost did a nose dive into alcohol....but my better judgment and urge to not do anything harmful to my body and my family kept me from doing that nasty stuff. So I think that my new addiction is Chance. I personally think that's a pretty good addiction ;)

Oops....

SW: 281.8
CW: 205.2

So.......its been a while....I have been so stinkin busy between school and just life in general that I totally forgot to update! I have been pretty stalled in my weight loss. Since Nov 3rd, I've lost 4.4 lbs. I feel super great, all the meds are working and I've been doing lots better on remembering my vitamins. My protein intake is down....damn holidays and my sugar intake is up....oops. I've done lots better this past weekend, so we'll see what happens. I'm still losing inches, just not pounds...but to be totally honest, I don't care. I feel great and I think I look pretty great :) I'm cleared to go back to working out again, so I think I'll try that out before too long :) I bet my weight will go up then, but that's cool if I can get some definition back!

Have a great week everyone!

5 months....

My surgery was on June 6th and now it's November 6th.... In that time, I have lost 72.6 lbs and I feel fantastic. We did measurements this morning, so here ya go:

L upper arm: +1/4"

R upper arm: +1/4"

Chest: - 2.5"

Waist: -4"

Hips: -2.25"

L thigh: -1.25"

R thigh: -1.25"

L calf: -1.5"

R calf: -1.5"

Neck: -0-

WOW! I'll take the plus in my arms, mainly because I've been working on them....so I'll take it...lol.

A lot of people have asked what my total change has been from day one, so here are those numbers

Wrist: -1/4"

Arms: -3"

Chest: -6"

Waist: -9"

Hips: -13.75"

Thighs: -5"

Calf: -1"

Dress size: 24 down to 14

Shirt size: 22/24 down to 14/16

Bra size: 42H down to 38DDD

Ring size: 9 down to 7

Shoe size: 9.5 down to 8.5

Neck: -1.25"

So....yeah....I've changed a lot.....I still can't believe it....but I'll take it!

Day before surgery

Today :)

lots of coolness....

Today was an excellent day....I skipped school and spent the day with my love. I needed that. My Daddy left yesterday and I was a bit down....so this cheered me up a bit :) We went to Old Navy and I bought size 14 jeans.......HOLY HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can even squeeze (very uncomfortably) into a size 12. But I decided that wouldn't be a good idea...I don't like muffin tops, so I'll just buy 2 pairs of jeans and then in another month, we'll go buy two more pairs.

Another cool thing....Chance bought me some boots. Two pairs...one pair is brown and they resemble loose cowboy boots....CUTE! Then the other pair, go all the way up to my knees.......I will repeat that....lol....to my knees. I haven't been able to get a pair of boots over my calves in years....and now I can....which is odd, seeing as how my calves have gotten bigger....but whatever...I'll take it! They're super cute and I even bought a pair of skinny jeans to wear with them.....so all in all....GREAT DAY!

Have a good weekend everyone!

Milestone....

I hit 209.6 today....I officially weigh less than my husband. I haven't weighed less than Chance since I was a sophomore in high school....how cool is that!? It's a really great feeling....I'm feeling good and looking good :) Life is gooood....

Week 21

SW: 281.8
CW: 212.6

I lost 2.2 lbs this week! YAY! Even with a little indulging in the good ol' Halloween candy, I still lost 2.2 lbs. It's nice to know that I can still enjoy a little bit of the good stuff....within reason of course, and still lose some weight. :)

Have a good week everyone!! and Happy Halloween!!!

Happy Halloween!!!

We got to dress up at school on Friday!! Fun day....It was super exciting because I bought a men's XL costume 3 weeks ago and it fit.....then I put it on on Friday and it was saggy and too big....lol....But I rocked it as the King and hopefully made my Grandma Billie proud.....I hope I made her laugh a few times with my inability to dance like Elvis and I really wish she was around to see this.....but she isn't....but I know she was with me all day long :)

Me and my Megs.....I love this kid...

Me and Ruby....I made her make the duck face...she wasn't very happy with me, but she did it anyway, cause she loves me ;) lol

oh...and you can see Richard Simmons in the background there....lol

Week 20...

There is nothing to report....I weigh exactly the same this week as I did last week. I'll take it though, I've been losing 2-4 lbs a week for a few weeks now....so I was waiting for a week like this. Hopefully I'll have a loss to report next week....but if not, no worries! :D

Week 19

I made up time at school yesterday, so I didn't have a chance to post this....sorry bout that! So here it goes....

SW: 281.8
CW: 214.8

Pounds lost this week: 3.2

SWEEEEET!

The meds are working :) I'm doing great! Even getting motivated to make up my 84 hours I'm missing at school! I will be done in January! HALLELUJAH!

Have a good week everyone!

Stay blessed :)

MEASUREMENTS!

Finally got around to doing them....so here are the results :


Neck: -1/4"
Left Wrist: -1/4"
Right Wrist: -1/4"
Left arm: -1/2"
Right arm: -1/2"
Chest: -0-
Waist: -1"
Hips: 2"
Left thigh: -1 1/2"
right thigh: -1 3/4"
left calf: +1/4"
right calf: +1/4"
Pant size: 16 (down from 18 last month)

So I've lost a total of 7 1/2 inches this last month! AWESOME!

My weight as of today is 216.6 :)

HEREhttp://missbillieswhirlwind.blogspot.com/2011/09/13-week-updateplus-pics.html are my previous months measurements :)

Week 18!

SW: 281.8
CW: 218.0


2 lbs lost this week! WOOHOO!

I still need to do measurements and take pics...hopefully I'll get that done soon, otherwise I'll just be skipping this months :( I'm already 4 days past....oh well...life happens..lol...

10/6/11 made it 4 months!! 4 months of some crazy ups and downs, and I still wouldn't change my decision for the world!!!


Have a great week everyone!!!! :)

Results :)

Well, the good news is that I'm healthy as a horse....seriously...I'm a picture of perfect health! I don't have any vitamin deficiencies or anything! That's super awesome! The bad news is that my hair loss and everything else is related to stress......who'd a thunk it!? So, I'm working on me some more...by the time this is all done I should be perfect right!? LMAO I kid...I kid....

But really, I'm feeling great! Tuesday will be a week of taking the antidepressants, and I know it sounds weird, but I can already tell a difference...I don't have quite an urge to go lock myself in my room and never come out....I'm actually spending quality time with my kiddos and not hiding from them....judge me if you want, but that's the truth ;)

I'll post pics and updates soon on my measurements! Its been 4 months! whaaaat!? lol

Went to the doc this morning....as per my psych's request, I am now on antidepressants. Celexa to be exact. I'm going to take it for a month and see where I stand. They took 8 HUGE vials of blood. Testing all kinds of things. Mainly my iron levels and just all my levels in general. All the pain I'm in and hair loss and even the depression could be caused by iron deficiency....that would be super...lol. I'll update when I hear back from the doc :)

Shopping...

Chance took me shopping yesterday! He was sick of seeing my baggy ass jeans...lol...and my saggy boobs and just saggy clothes in general...lol

So....the big deal of the day, I bought size 16 jeans. Holy. Crap. 16. I haven't been in a size 16 since I was a sophomore in high school. That feels good to say! I bought large t-shirts....and I even went to Macy's and checked out their clearance sales. I picked up 2 super cute dressy shirts and one of them was a size 12...wth. lol but whatever, I'll take it! LOL Shopping is very overwhelming for me. I'm use to having 2 stores I can shop at, and you walk in and everything is right there. There's no digging for the right size or have to run all over the store, because the entire store is things for you. So needless to say, I was on the brink of a breakdown and Chance just grabbed my hand and laughed at me...lol...told me we would keep looking and to calm down. It worked, as usual. He has a way with me that most people don't. I'm so damn thankful to have him as my main support system.

He also took me to SOMA. That place is awesome! bras bras everywhere! And super cute matching panties too! And the prices weren't terribly bad either. He bought me 3 new bras and 5 new panties! YAY! I really needed those. So all in all, we spent too much money that we really didn't have and it was totally worth it. lol

I go to the doctor at 8:50 this morning. Get all this stuff sorted out. I am having some depression issues and per my psych's request, I will be talking to my doctor about some antidepressants. Not my proudest moment, but hey, shit happens. I'm just gonna keep going and working on me. This isn't something that I'm too surprised about, and I'm not like suicidal or anything, so don't worry...lol...just in a weird spot right now. :)

Have a good week everyone! I'll update when I hear what the doc has to say :)

heading to the doc....

I broke down today and called the doctor. I'm losing hair like crazy, to the point that I'm forming bald spots. May come as a shocker to a lot of you, but there are down sides to a surgery of this kind. I knew this going into it. Most people have kinda given me an "I told you so" attitude about it. Thanks for that. <---sarcasm Others have blamed a protein deficiency...which I'm totally buying into, but at the same time, I get more protein now than I EVER did before my surgery, so needless to say, I'm curious to find out the culprit.

I'm also having an unbelievable amount of back pain. To the point that I'm cramping from just above my butt all the way down to my knees. I have problems driving to school in the mornings...maybe it's just a pinched nerve, maybe it's just my back trying to get used to the lower amount of strain....who knows...but I do know that I've broken down. I've been relying heavily on vicodine the past month or so. Do I take it during the day? nope. Do I dope myself up at night so I'm not in pain? yep. So I need to discuss that with the good ol' doc too. I'm a food addict and now that that addiction has been "taken away" there's a good chance that I'll try and redirect my addiction somewhere else. And as most people know, addiction runs heavily in my family....I really don't want that to happen....so it's totally time to admit I need some more help and follow through. I'm not too proud to admit it. All I ask for are some thoughts and prayers and some guidance......thanks friends :)

rant over.

17 weeks...

SW: 281.8
CW: 220.0

3 lbs lost this week!


I noticed this morning that my titles kinda sound like pregnancy updates....lol....it kinda made me laugh. oh well....hope everyone is doing good! I'm doing pretty darn good! My weight loss has really picked up and that always makes ya feel better. In 3 days it will be exactly 4 months since I got my sleeve. That's awesome! Doesn't feel like its already been that long, but it has. No complaints here! My weight loss is at a nice steady pace, not too much all at once, but enough that I can tell I'm losing. Life is good :)

Today marks the day that I'm 60 pounds down!!!! :)

16 weeks

SW: 281.8
CW: 223.0

4.2 lbs lost this week!

WAHOOOO!!!   This was a good week in the weight loss category!  Well, it was a great week all around.  Nothing too disheartening at school, Chance's brother came to visit and we had a nice time!  I went a tad bit overboard on the steak Chance made, which turned into walking around a lot with my hands over my head...lol...but other than that, it was a great weekend.  The kiddos love their Uncle Jared, and miss him like crazy....

I'm feeling great!  I'm looking pretty good...lol...still can't say great to myself...I look great with clothes on...then there's the dreaded trip to the shower where I have to walk past my mirrors naked as a jay bird, and well....I don't like what I see....but I just keep reminding myself that I only have 40 lbs to go and then I can get skin removed....ugh....I can't even imagine what it'll look like at the end of my weight loss journey....lol

Anywho---Hope everyone has an amazing week!!!  

And thanks to everyone who sends me messages or texts or even posts on my wall on facebook!  Without you guys, I wouldn't be able to push through like I have!  It's so amazing to know that I have so many people rooting for me!  :) 

Thank you.

holy. crap.

They say a picture is worth a 1,000 words.....well here ya go....

p.s.  I hit 223.6 lbs today.....wow

15 weeks....

SW: 281.8
CW: 227.2
Loss for the week:  .4 lbs.

Well....its happened...the dreaded 3 month stall....lol....I knew it was coming, but it still sucks.  I guess I should be glad with the .4 lbs lost though...I'm just thankful I'm not gaining...   So I'll just stick at this weight for a while, but hey, I'm not complaining...I feel better than I've felt in years and my knees are loving it too ;)   


Onto other things!   Today is my birthday....I turn 29 today!  That's pretty crazy....I'm on the brink of a breakdown I think...LOLOL...kidding...but for some reason, that number is kinda odd to say out loud...but I feel great!  I've got two beautiful kiddos and the most amazing man in the world.  He did really great on the birthday this year!  He got me a KEURIG!  One word for that machine....AWESOME!   I love it.  I made up time this past Saturday at school, and I came home to this big ol' Keurig box on the table, the kiddos singing happy birthday and two homemade birthday cards, just for me!  So blessed!  

Had a blast at a dear friends son's first birthday party Saturday afternoon, repainted the spare bedroom yesterday and now I'm resting today....it was a great weekend and awesome birthday!  loving life :D

14 weeks....

SW: 281.8
CW: 227.6

I've lost 2.6 lbs this week.  How exciting!  I'm still losing!  And I hope to continue losing for a very long time.  I figure this will be the norm from here on out.  I could handle losing 8-10lbs per month.  I think that would be pretty healthy and at a good pace.  :)

13 week update...plus pics

Tomorrow will be 3 months (to the date) since I've had my surgery :)

In 3 months I've lost 51.6 lbs :)

We did measurements this morning.....just for your enjoyment.

Left upper arm:  -1"
Right upper arm: -1.25"
Chest: -2"
Waist: -1"
Hips: -1"
Left thigh: -1/2"
Right thigh: -1/4"
Left calf: +1/4"
right calf: +1/4"
Neck: -1/2"

So I've lost a total of  7 inches this month!!

Start weight (SW): 281.8
Current weight (CW): 230.2

I've lost 3.2lbs this week!   SWEEEEEET!

I'm feeling great, my hubby says I'm looking great and the biggest accomplishment of all, I'm learning how to take a compliment.  And I've been getting quite a few.  It feels so great!!  The kiddos have really started noticing my eating habits and they'll be the ones to point out if I've forgotten my protein shake in the morning, or if I'm sneaking chips in the afternoon....lol.   Madi had a cookie the other day and I asked if I could have a bite...lol...bad I know...back off ;)  But anywho--She told me no, cause she knows I'm not supposed to have that.  It's actually pretty nice to have them hold me accountable. 

Life is good.

6/5/11

7/4/11

8/6/11

9/5/11

Half Way Milestone...

So Thursday was the big day....I've been waiting 3 weeks to hit my midway mark, and it happened Thursday morning!!!   231.8   HOLY SMOKES!   What a great feeling.  In less than 3 months I dropped 50 lbs.  Gosh that feels so good.  

I woke up this morning and weighed in and I'm down to 230.2.   I honestly don't remember the last time I weighed this much.  I'm smaller now than I was when Chance and I got married.  It's just so crazy for me.  I guess in the back of my head I was always just afraid that this surgery wouldn't work.  That I wouldn't be strong enough to not eat the foods that I crave.  And like I've said before, I totally cave at times, but for the most part, I do pretty well.  So yeah....I'm a happy camper.  Hopefully I'll find a way to celebrate this that doesn't involved eating...lol...

Happy Labor Day Weekend!!

Doctor's Visit...

Went to the doctor today and I'm completely normal....like everything...I'm healed, healthy, my weight loss is above what is "expected" and he's pleased. There were a few things that he noticed....my bruises, hair loss and bleeding gums. I'm going to have to increase my vitamin intake...more vitamin K and get a B complex vitamin going. He wants me to increase my protein intake (I've been slacking) and drink as much water as I can possibly stand....oy. My back is all messed up and he said that's completely normal as well....gotta get my body used to walking around carrying a LOT less weight. He wants to see me back in 6 months. He said I should reach my goal weight in about 3-4 months. That's crazy when you sit back and think about it. I asked him if I was doing ok, on track and all....and he said that truest thing I've ever heard...."Billie, when was the last time you lost 45+lbs without depriving yourself and working out constantly?"

my answer? NEVER

Once again, I will NEVER ever regret this decision....best one I've made for myself in a long time :)

Off to the doc I go....

I have another checkup today! I sure do hope my doc is pleased with my progress so far, cause I know I am! And even if he wasn't, just knowing that I'm feeling good and happy is good enough for me...

Now for the weigh in...

SW: 281.8
CW: 233.2

I lost 2.4lbs this week! WAHOOOO!!!

This month has been so much slower than the other months...but I'm still losing and my stalls haven't last longer than 2 weeks. I know a few people who have had their weight stalled for the last 6 weeks :( I pray that scale moves for them soon.... I know it's not just about the number, but it sure does feel good to see that number go down...down...down.....

Til next week.....

totally not weight related....

Every once in a while, I'll see a pic that I took of my kiddos and I wonder why I was given these little gifts....I know that's an odd thing to ask yourself...but I really do wonder why I was chosen for such a blessing. Am I a good person? Yes. Am I controlling? Yep. Am I a good Mom? For the most part ;) lol But why was I chosen for twins? Who knows...but all I do know for sure is that I am super thankful and grateful and all of those other emotions that I can't put into words right now, to have happy, healthy, (mostly)well behaved kiddos. I'm very proud of the Momma I am and the person I have become. I don't have too many skeletons in my closet and I don't try to hide anything from anyone. All you have to do is ask me, and I'll tell you all you what you want to know. I know that I have changed over the past year or so and I know things around me have changed as well....but I am who I am. Do I party much anymore? nope.... Do I miss it? sometimes...but for the most part, nope. I'm happy, healthy, losing weight and more in love with Chance than I ever thought I could be....so in all my ramblings...my feelings I'm jotting down, I have one thing I can say for sure without a doubt....

I'm Blessed...

11 weeks

SW: 281.8
CW: 235.6

I haven't lost a ton of weight this month, but I'll take it!! :D From 8 to 11 weeks out I've lost 4 lbs. :)

a little behind....

Wow...its been two weeks since I posted...and I don't have much to report. We went on a family vacation, our first ever and it was a BLAST! We went to San Diego! While there we enjoyed the SD zoo, SD safari, Seaworld and on the way home we stopped at the LA Museum of Natural History....everything was super awesome.

I'm not gonna lie....the eating aspect of it SUCKED! We ate out a lot...I mostly nibbled off of everyone else's plates. I ended up ordering a shrimp cocktail from a mexican restaurant and I ate on that for two days...lol...it just seems like we waste so much money on food for me....oy. I put on two pounds as well....so right before I left for the trip I weighed 236.8 got home and weighed 238.8 and as of this morning, I'm back at 236.8.

So in two weeks...I've lost 2 lbs. I'm not gonna complain about it...I dug my own little hole with the carbs I consumed and I will still say that I'm proud of myself for not really over doing it more than I could have. Temptation is a bitch....just sayin ;)

Me and my babies on the Skyfari at the San Diego Zoo :)

Me and my love, by the pool

Oh Happy Day!!

Well....today is EXACTLY 2 months since my surgery...Had it on June 6th and since then, I've lost 42 lbs. That's INSANE! I weighed in this morning and I had hit the 230's range. I had a flashback to two years ago....We were driving to Canyon and someone had asked how much weight I had lost and I told them I had just found out I had hit 239lbs. That took me over 8 months. 8 months of starving, working out at least 3 hours a day and being absolutely miserable. I will NEVER regret this surgery. Even on days I crave chips and a dr pepper, I will not regret my decision. :)


We did measurements this morning since my bloating is gone. And holy smokes!!! I'm so happy right now :)

Since my last measurements I've lost:
1/2" in my upper arms
1" in my chest
1 3/4" in my waist
4 3/4" in my hips!!!!
1 1/4" in my thighs :)
3/4" in my calves
1/4" in my neck

Since my surgery, I've gone from a size 24 to 18!!
I've gone from a 22/24 size shirt to a 14/16!!

This had kind of made my day! :)

If this surgery is something you've been thinking about, I say go for it! Call your insurance and see what steps you need to take to change your life. I regret that I waited til I was 28 to do this.

8 weeks....

I can't believe it has already almost been two months since my surgery. So much has changed with my body. I'm feeling so much better, more energetic everyday and so thankful that I was given this option and able to take it. I'm eating healthier than I ever have and I do have my slip ups. Not even gonna lie about that. Yesterday I dove head first into a bag of cool ranch doritos....lol...not my proudest moment, but hey, it was the first chip I'd had in 8 weeks...


My tummy is healed! I can lay on my stomach with no pain. Mother nature isn't being very good to me today, so I'm going to wait another week to do my measurements (thanks to all the bloating), but I did get on the scale! Against my better judgement, but it read great! lol

SW: 281.8 lbs.
CW: 242.0 lbs.

Total lost: 39.8 lbs

^^^^^^^ that's awesome! I lost 4 lbs this week!

As most of you probably saw, I had a great weekend! I got to hang out with one of my closest friends on Saturday! We went and saw "Friends with Benefits". It was HILARIOUS! We had a very nice lunch and we even went shopping. When I started this adventure I was wearing a size 24. Two weeks after my surgery, I was back in my 22's and now I'm in my 18's and 20's!!!!! HOLY SMOKES! And I bought a super cute top and it's a 14-16! I can't believe how quickly the weight is coming off....it's crazy! And I'm so thankful for it. And I'm pretty sure my feet and knees are thankful too....lol

breaking the rules....

I'm only supposed to weigh on Mondays....but sometimes, I really feel like I need to check myself if I haven't been as good as I'm supposed to be the day before. Well, last night I had 1C of chocolate milk. And I'm talking Hershey's chocolate milk....omg...it's been like 7 weeks and it was better than any ice cream I could have eaten...LOL And it was after 7:00, which is my number 1 rule....DON'T EAT AFTER 7!! So I just wanted to make sure I didn't totally screw myself and to my surprise, the scale read:

244.6 lbs.

WAHOOOO!!

That's exciting! Maybe I should add some chocolate milk in every night after 7:00. LOL



I kid...I kid....but really ;)

7 weeks post op :)

SW: 281.8lbs.
CW: 246lbs.

I lost 3 lbs this week! Super awesome!!

I got insanely sick a few weeks ago, it sucked. I got my blood tests back and apparently I had a mild case of valley fever....how crazy...but I'm all good now! School is going good and I'm feeling pretty good! My back is killing me, can't really bend over...can't wait to get to the chiropractor again! As soon as I'm comfy on my stomach, I'm going in! LOL


Next week is pictures!!! YAYA!! I can't wait to see the difference....hopefully I can see it more...I'm starting to feel it and see it in my clothes..... :)

Hope everyone is doing great!!

6 week post op weigh in...

SW: 281.8lbs.

CW: 249lbs.

Total lost: 32.8 lbs

Holy cow!!! I lost 5lbs this week! I wish I could say that I've been working really hard and whatnot...but I've been sick all week....so there's this weeks secret....oy. I am still not feeling 100%. I'm at about 75% right now...still weak, nauseous, and not hungry. My headache has died down quite a bit, but it's still there. Ya know, once you've had a headache longer than 2 days, you literally start to feel like you're losing your mind.

I go to see my surgeon today for my 6 week appt. We'll see what he says about all this. I'm also having some new pains in my abdominal area....I figure it's from being all tense with the headaches and whatnot. And I should also hear back from my PCP today with the results from my lab work. I'll update when I hear something.

Hope everyone has a great week :)

Sick.....

So....I've been running a fever since Wednesday night and I've had a headache since Monday....ummmmmmm....this sucks. I went to the doctor today and he was quite confused by my symptoms...no inflammation in my throat or eats and my lungs sound great. He poked on my tummy and everything is good there. He asked if I've had any mosquito bites and I showed him my foot...he winced...lol...I have 8 on my right foot....nice. So he prescribed me some vicodin for the headache and sent me to the lab to be tested for West Nile and Valley Fever....

I haven't had a headache like this in a few years....I decided to swing by the chiropractor as a last ditch effort to get rid of this headache...and it hasn't helped...at all. :( My fever is ranging anywhere from 100-105°. My head hurts so stinkin bad that I can't even sleep. I've missed two days of school this week...which puts me 80 hours behind now....hell. I'll be able to make up those hours when the kiddos go back to school...but until then, I'll just make up hours here and there on Saturdays....

Well, I'm starting to ramble now...the pain killers are kicking in....

Hope you all are happy and healthier than me ;) Have a great weekend! I broke down and weighed myself today, I've lost 5 lbs since Monday....I wish I could say it's something I did...but I know it's just because I'm sick and haven't been eating right....oy.

So....this is my breakfast...a lot of people ask what I eat on a daily basis and this is how I start every day. It may look like some yummy chocolate milk. But, unfortunately it's a "yummy" chocolate protein shake. It gives me a great start to my day with 30g of protein. That's half of my daily needs in one glass. This is an 11oz. serving. It takes me about an hour to get it all down....but I do it. If it's a school day, I start drinking it before I even get in the shower, continue sipping while I'm getting ready, and I even take it in the car with me and finish it by the time I get to school.

A lot of people ask me if it's worth it, the surgery that is. And even though I'm quite miserable sometimes...simply because I am a food addict...I still have to say yes. It is completely worth it.

5 weeks post op....

How exciting! I'm still losing!!

Start weight: 281.8 lbs.

Current Weight: 254.0 lbs.

Total lost: 27.8 lbs.

A total of 3.4 lbs lost this week!!

I'm feeling pretty great lately. I started back to school last week. The first day was great, the second day I thought I was going to die and the third day, I felt normal again. I'm eating well and anything I want. I splurged on a vanilla wafer last night. And the really sad part, was that I felt guilty....for one stinkin vanilla wafer. But oh man, it was goooood. lol I over did it on Saturday and into Saturday night for my best friend's birthday party, so all of Sunday I was laid up in bed....literally, passed out, all day long. I didn't even drink at her party...a few sips off of others drinks, just to try them, but I didn't have one whole drink, other than my water the entire night. I'm still afraid to try and drink....oh well. I need to make it into the gym today, just not sure that's gonna happen...I just keep telling myself, it's just another period of adjustment...I'll get used to all this eventually. I was doing really great before I went back to school...but dang....those 33 hours in 3 days is kind of a killer. lol

That's really all I know for now....thanks for reading! Hope everyone is doing good! :)

Change....

So, my face is finally thinning out enough

that I was able to chop off my hair! YAY!! So here it is! :)

~I LOVE IT~

Measurements Update!!!

I think my face looks thinner...either way...Chance took a pretty good pic of me :)

This pic was taken last month.

This month :)

Last monthThis month :)

not any HUGE changes....but still great progress!

Left upper arm: - 1.25"

Right upper arm: -1"

Chest: -1/2"

Waist: - 1.25"

Hips: - 3.75"

Thighs: same

calves: +1/2"

Neck: -1/4"

total inches lost this month: 7 1/2"

Holy smokes!!! I'm not only losing weight, but some inches are gone too!!!

Happy 4th of July!!!!

aaaaand it's my 4 week post op update!

Start weight: 281.8

Current weight: 257.4

Total lost: 24.4

That's so exciting! I lost 3 lbs this week!!! YAYAYAY!!

So in my first month, I've lost 24.4 lbs. that's exciting! And I'm feeling pretty good these days! Not hurting so much, and getting back to normal! I'll post some pics later today! I'm supposed to do them every 4 weeks. EXCITING! :)

Hope everyone has a happy and safe and blessed 4th of July!

Time Flies....

So last night was my 10 year high school reunion, and even though I didn't get to attend, I still feel like there is no way 10 years has gone by. At this time, 10 years ago, I was working at a convenience store and getting all excited about going to college! I never finished...lol...but I do remember being really excited about it. Wish I would have kept that motivation.

I made the comment a few weeks ago about how it would be pointless for me to show up at the reunion because I really haven't made anything of myself...and well, I hurt a few peoples feelings. That wasn't my intention, but that's what happened. I'm at a very awkward place in my life right now. I just had part of my stomach cut out, due to the fact that I couldn't control my portion control on my own.....that's embarrassing in itself. Then I also let my body completely go in the past 2 years....I worked my butt off, lost 60 lbs then put it all back on. I'm a cosmetology student, which just so happens to be a profession that most people label as the losers. The people that couldn't cut it in college.....(yes, I've heard these words come out of peoples mouths...I smile at them, handed them a business card and walked away....assholes) Well, without us "losers" you would be walking around with some ugly ass hair and bushy eyebrows and lips and might not even know how to apply makeup properly. I am still a student, not a professional yet, but it does take a lot of talent to do what we do. Just sayin.....

So back to my point, when I said that I didn't have anything to show for, and I saw that I hurt some people, I really got thinking....

First of all, I have tons to show!! I have two very beautiful, smart, well behaved and AMAZING kiddos! They are my world. I chose to start a family before I chose a career, and there's nothing wrong with that. :D I was blessed to be able to do that.

Secondly, ummmmmm...have you seen or met my hubby!? He's f-n amazing! I never raised these babies by myself! Sleepless nights, yeah he had them too. There was not one feeding in the middle of the night that I did on my own....if i was up, he was up, and sometimes, he even let me sleep!! He changed diapers, bathed, fed and played with those babies every second he got. And even though they're 5 now, he still does everything I do. He even cooks...and is damn good at it too! I'm so lucky......blessed would be a better word.

And thirdly, I may be fat, but I'm moving in the right direction...and I mean does my waistline really make me who I am? Nope. I'm still Billie Lynn....plain ol' Billie Lynn. I like to think I'm funny and caring and a pretty damn good friend. I'm a daughter, a mother, a lover, a wife and a cosmo student! I'm at an amazing stage in my life, not so much awkward. Sometimes it just takes writing things down to really understand that.

Sorry for my ramblings, but this is my journey and things I'm working through. I think we all have times like these. I had a friend that waited a while to get married and start a family, and she thought she was the weird one....lol....so I guess it's just our view of ourselves....

My life may not be what some people had pegged it for, but I think it's right on track....

GREATNESS!!

People are often unreasonable and self-centered

FORGIVE THEM ANYWAY

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.

BE KIND ANYWAY

If you are honest, people may cheat you.

BE HONEST ANYWAY

If you find happiness, people may be jealous.

BE HAPPY ANYWAY

The good you do today, may be forgotten tomorrow.

DO GOOD ANYWAY

Give the world the best you have, it may never be enough.

GIVE YOUR BEST ANYWAY

For you see, in the end, it is between you and GOD.

IT NEVER WAS BETWEEN YOU AND THEM ANYWAY

~~Mother Teresa

This really struck home today...a friend of mine posted it on facebook and there are so many of those things that I can totally feel and agree with. So I thought I would pass it on...maybe it'll help you out today, it helped me.

1st day at the gym....

It was a success! I felt sooo good when I left...and if felt good just to be back in the gym again. It was also super great, because I had the support of my best friend. We talked and walked on the treadmills for 45 minutes....well, she ran for a bit....not me...lol...not for a while. But it was nice to feel that good for a bit.

Fast forward 3 hours......

I.AM.EXHAUSTED.

This is the only reason why I HATE working out. I always feel super good for about an hour after I workout, then I crash...and I crash hard. I'm lucky my fingers are working at this point...lol

I totally screwed myself from the get go this morning....First of all, I forgot my water....as a sleever, you never, ever, EVER leave home without your water. Then I forgot my towel, which is funny....cause they usually charge, but they let me borrow one for today....they took pity on the new girl...I won't forget it next time...I swear it. And thirdly, I didn't keep track of how many calories I burned....hence I'm exhausted now. My breakfast only consists of about 110 calories....IF I'm lucky. Lots of protein in there, but not very many calories to work on. Hence...my exhaustion. So now, for the rest of the day, I will be exhausted and just working on my water intake.

But even with all my mess ups....I really did enjoy this morning. And the kiddos LOVED it. and like I said yesterday, that's really all that counts ;)

activity today: Treadmill for 45 minutes.....2.15 miles

whaaaaat!?

Yep, we joined a gym. I can't really believe it. I am not, in any way, shape or form a fitness buff. But if I want to get the most out of my sleeve, I need to workout. Am I going to go hardcore? nope. I do plan on going at least 3 days a week. The kiddos are even excited about it. The place has an awesome kids club. And that's all that matters right!? heheheheh..... We got a hell of a deal and the guy even threw in the month to month package for no additional charge....so I'm not totally trapped if we end up not using it. And Chance's company will cover our start up costs....so that's a bonus! Wish me luck...I'll start going tomorrow....

3 Week Post Op.....

WEIGH IN DAY!!!

SW: 281.8 lbs.

CW: 260.0 lbs.

This weeks loss: .4 lbs.

Total lost: 21.8 lbs




Well, at first I was super upset by this....but then I thought to myself, I already lost 21.4 lbs in 2 weeks, I think I can afford to only lose a tiny bit for a week or two. Plus, my pants and shirts aren't as tight as they were last week, so I know I'm losing something...somewhere...lol...

Next week is measurements! I'm excited for that.

blahhhhhhhhh......

I am most definitely having a blah kinda day. Not sure why...I think I did too much yesterday. A mile walk plus a trip to Sam's, plus cleaning for the in laws....I think it has come back to bite me in the ass today. I'm exhausted, and super duper sore. I have NO ambition to eat, or really even move. But I forced myself to get up and go walking this morning. Just a 1/2 mile this morning. Jaxon joined me...it was nice. I'm really worried about going back to school. 10 hour days is going to be hard. But I know I can do it....just another period of adjustment. I just really hope I haven't totally f'd myself. Don't really wanna start from scratch a year from now. That would suck. I have my psych appt at 2:45 today, probably a good day for it. My weight loss is right on track and moving very quickly, I guess these fears are just something that goes along with the territory.


On a lighter note, the in laws made it here safe and sound and the kiddos and I were super happy to see them. They all just vacated the house to go to the grocery store. It's nice to sit in silence for a bit. They brought some stuff from my Momma's storage unit, kinda odd to see so many of the things from my childhood....especially since my childhood involved a married Mom and Dad and now, well, not so much...lol.... My Mom didn't send a few of the boxes I really wanted, but she's going to mail them to me, lots of things to go through. Can't wait! :)

Hope everyone has a great day, I'm sure I will, hot as hell here today. 107° I believe is the high...OUCH! Thank God for the pool.

Day 15...

I have no clever title...never have been good with the title thing...lol...anywho- I had some energy this morning, so I decided to go on a walk with my babies....yeah, they're 5 and I still call them my babies...deal with it...lol We walked from our house up to the main road and back and I used this spiffy little website HERE! Thanks Carrie ;) And it told me approximately how much we walked....pretty cool website if ya ask me. :)



So yep, I'm feeling pretty good today, the in laws are coming to town today!! The kiddos are super excited and I am too. It's nice having them around. It will most definitely be a big test for me. See, my MIL is probably one of the best Southern cooks around. She makes the best f-n Chicken fried steak on the face of the planet, her bread is to die for, and she makes a Red Velvet cake that would bring tears to your eyes....and yep...I really can't eat any of that. The chicken fried steak I could, but that's about it....OH and her chocolate chip cookies are the BEST. And I'm not going to be like "Hey! don't make that! I can't eat that!" LOLOL I would never deprive my kiddos and my hubby from his Momma's awesome cooking....I will most definitely be nibbling on a cookie...I will not denie myself that...so yep, I'm not really expecting big number changes on the scale for next week, but you never know...it could totally happen! I will be able to go walk more since they'll be here to stay with the kiddos. So that will be pretty nifty.


I really miss my Momma. I love having her around, and pretty soon, I bet she'll be even further away, but that's cool...here's to your happiness Momma!! Love you :D

Week 2 Post Op....

Holy crap...I seriously didn't believe my eyes this morning! Check it out...

start weight: 281.8

Current Weight: 260.4

Total Lost: 21.4 lbs.

O.M.G.

Now once again....if I could see it, or feel it, that'd be awesome...but with all my dumb luck, I'm probably just losing muscle mass ;) lol I still have quite a bit of swelling in my abdominal area, but I do notice that my face is getting thinner...and my thighs....so I'll take it...lol...

Once again, thanks for following my journey and letting me share my exciting moments with you!!! :D I'm so happy right now!!! WAHOOO!

Just another day....

I ventured into real food territory yesterday....and I'm not feeling too good about it. Eating has already become tedious for me. Teeny tiny bites, chew 40-60 times, swallow....wait 1-3 minutes, repeat. I have to give myself time to see if it's going to sit well in my tummy or if it's going to make me uncomfortable. I stopped at El Pollo Loco yesterday and picked up an 8 piece mixed chicken meal. For those of you who don't know what El Pollo Loco is, well, it's amazing. Nothing is fried, it's all grilled and it tastes so good! So anywho---I sat down with kiddos and ate a few bites of chicken...but I kinda got ahead of myself and I might have ate too fast, and I hurt myself...lol...not agonizing pain, no puking, I just ate too much too fast. Real food sits a lot differently in your tummy than liquids. So, it's back to the starting boards for me... I tried again today at lunch and did lots better. I ate slowly and waited between bites. I'm finding that chewing and biting and swallowing actual food is more difficult because of all the extra air you swallow. It's not really the food that's making me hurt, it's all the extra air I'm swallowing in the process....so something else I'll have to figure out. Oh, and nothing tastes right anymore....not even my beloved ketchup...it's almost too sweet. Now, I'm not complaining about any of this, well not too much at least....it is difficult for me...not gonna lie. So many of the things that I once loved, and really looked forward to and enjoyed immensely are now gone. It's like a mourning process almost. I'm almost pissed at this point...lol...I'm pissed that I can't enjoy the one thing in life that has always been there for me. It never abandoned me, it never made me feel bad about what I was doing, and it never judged me. And now...I feel like it is...lol....I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's the truth. But I just have to step back and take a few deep breaths and remember that this is what I have chosen, and this is what is going to help me live a longer and happier and healthy life. Once I'm healed I'll be able to redirect my love for food onto something else. Who knows what that will be....but I'm sure it'll be better for me than what I was originally doing. :)

Doctors Visit...

I had my doctors visit yesterday. I was well equipped with my notebook full of questions, my vitamins, my momma and my hubby. First of all, let me just say that I love my doctor. If you're in the area, and you're looking for this option, you should definitely check out Dr. Ara Keshishian, He has the best bedside manner and he's a pistol. Which I appreciate in a doctor. I like straightforward, almost to the point of rude Doctors. But no totally rude...I just don't want them sugarcoating or pretending there's not a problem when there really is. Don't baby me...I don't like it. So anywho, I asked him all my questions, he answered them....with quirky but true answers....for example: Can I swim? I don't know, can you? nice. May I swim? Yes, you may. lol. So on a high note, I can swim, drive, eat WHATEVER I want. I will repeat that for some of you. I CAN EAT WHATEVER I WANT. See the beauty of the surgery I've had, is that nothing in my body has been disturbed. My stomach was simply made smaller. I have no narrowing of my intestinal track or digestive track. My stomach is just teeny tiny. He said my progress has been amazing. He was proud of my food diary and my healing. I still need to wear my support band, but he said that's just for my benefit, if I decide i can't stand it, to take it off. He reiterated the fact that this is a jump start to a lifestyle change. I still need to stay away from high fat, high calorie foods, but if I have a hankering for a chicken nugget to get one. Cause that's all I'll want and be able to handle. The only thing he wasn't too happy about was my water intake...gotta get 64oz a day. He said that is the most important part, as well as the vitamins and calcium. He said it will just take some time. But I have been cleared! He wants to see me in a month. I will be staying away from breads and pastas, just because they swell so much in your stomach, it's just a waste of good calories for me. I'm going to continue with my protein shakes. Oh! I can even eat salads!!! Good form of fiber for me :) Every time I see him he keeps trying to beat into my head, that the type of procedure I had done, really isn't like anything anyone else has had done. And I think it's finally sunk in. I had no drainage tube, I was in and out of the hospital in one day, and I got a nifty DVD just to prove it. Chance and I watched it last night with the kiddos....which Aunt Jenny would be proud to know that I'm almost positive I have a little nurse on my hands...Madi was more into that video, than her Tangled movie....lol. She was asking so many questions, that I barely had the answers for...and she even asked to watch it again this morning. I've had the DVD since the day of my surgery, just hadn't had the guts to watch it....lol...it really wasn't that bad. Just weird to know that my stomach was that HUGE! I'm going to try and save it to my compy and put it on here. He's about 35 minutes long...so I might have to enlist the help of my sister to figure all that out...hint hint ;)

So needless to say, after my appointment, we went and had lunch at Red Lobster. My doctor said you can never go wrong with seafood. High in protein and usually, if it's not smothered in sauce, low in calories. I had 3 wood grilled shrimp, a bite of Caesar salad, and 3 bites of wood grilled salmon. And I couldn't have been happier!! Try not chewing anything for a while and only getting things that are liquid and you'll understand my happiness! that was at 2:00 yesterday afternoon and I didn't even want anything to eat until about 8:00 last night. That's a first :) And an excellent first! :D

I really do believe that this surgery was my God send. I have so much more control now. Am I weak? yes. Do some day SUCK way more than others? you betcha! Is it hard to watch everyone around you eating pizza and hot dogs and chips and salsa and knowing that I really can't touch it? yep. But it's going to benefit me in the long run. Can I have the above listed foods? yep, but do I really wanna do that to myself after this???? Not so much. I don't hurt, other than the general soreness of healing. I don't hurt when I eat or afterwards. I can feel my limit very quickly. I just have to chew about 40 times per bite and swallow slowly, and don't forget tiny bites. Not everyone has to have this procedure to make this work. I have no self control, but I'm learning it. I have a great psychologist that I go to, and he helps me out in the mental department. It's not always smiley faces and daisies for me....he sees the bad stuff...poor guy. ;) But to tell you the truth, it's all worth it. The happiness, the sadness, even the stress, just to know that I'm going to be around a little longer for my kiddos....

Some info....

So I realized I never really gave you guys all the info on my surgery...this is it. Directly from my Doctor's website. You can click on that link and he has all kinds of info about all the different kinds of surgeries...even videos :)

So there you have it. Now you know :) NONE of my intestines were removed. It was ONLY my stomach. :) And now you know why I'm having issues with vitamins and whatnot. My tummy is teeny tiny....lol...so it's just a period of adjustment. I think I might be hitting up some friends with a costco card to get some of those liquid vitamins ;)

Today was good, but rough. I went on a walk this morning...I'm all jittery and shaky and nauseous from the vitamins and calcium pills. Slowly but surely I'll figure this all out. I know just know it!!! :D I did try muscle milk today and it's not that bad. That one container equals out to 2 meals for me! Damn...I'm a cheap date.

I did receive a letter from my Dr yesterday saying that I have a vitamin D deficiency...He wants me to take an absurd amount of D3 and instead of 1500mg of calcium to up it to 3000mg of calcium....ummm, yeah sure dude....I'll squeeze that in between my vitamins and 64oz of water intake ;) HAHA! I crack myself up....but really, I'll figure this all out.

Thanks for reading :) I'll update tomorrow after we go to the doctor. Glendale, here we come! :D

One Week Post Op Weigh In!!!

Weighed in this morning....

start weight 281.8

1 week post op: 268.6

holy.crap.

how awesome!!!

Down 13.2 pounds!! :D

Day 5 & 6...

Yesterday was awesome! I was eating fine, getting into the groove of things. I even got out of the house. I went to Leslie's Pool Supply with Chance and CVS for my calcium chews and we stopped by his office to do some "work." I sat and watched of course. My water intake was even good.


Today....I didn't sleep real well last night, but I feel alright today. My support band around my stomach is killing me. We got it to tight a few days ago and it's left little sores. Not bad...just itchy and irritating. If you've ever had a cast, you know how that feeling is. Same thing. I feel super hungry today...but I've been fighting it. I had about 3 ozs of strawberry protein shake for breakfast, my flintstones vitamin, a calcium chew, constant sips of water. lunch rolled around and I ate some tuna. It's crazy how much my tastes have changed. I didn't have it in me to roll out of bed early this morning. I could smell my Momma cooking something yummy for breakfast, so I just stayed cooped up in my room until I heard the clinking of dishes being washed. I'm still fighting it...but by God, I'm fighting it. :)
I'm hoping I'll have the energy in a bit to go to Lowe's with Chance to get a few things...but I'm not gonna hold my breath. Like I said earlier, I'm awfully tired. 400 calories a day is super hard on the ol body...especially when it's so used to getting much more than that....it's just a period of adjustment...

Tomorrow is weigh in day!!! 1 week post op!!! I've been watching my weight daily, but I was waiting til the first week to post it. My weigh ins will be weekly and my measurements and pics will be monthly. I think that'll be a good plan...for now :)


Thanks again for all the constant support and sweet messages. I know I don't always get to reply back to all of them, but you know who you are and I appreciate all that more than you'll ever know! :D

Day 4...

I started having the "what have I done's" yesterday...but I'm much better today. I got to eat some mashed potatoes with protein powder for dinner last night and two teeny tiny bites of chicken. Chewed up 40 times. Try doing that sometime...it's pretty hard to chew something up that much. I've been craving foods, but just knowing how badly they'll hurt me, keeps me away. The one thing that is kinda killing me is Dr.Pepper. I told Mom yesterday that I was close to a panic attack because I wanted one so badly. The Dr said I could pour one into a cup, let it go flat and drink it then...but I mean, really?? what's the point. I made a choice when I decided to have this done, lifestyle change. forever. It's almost liberating to be eating just to nourish my body and that's the only purpose. Might sound odd to some people, but it's kinda awesome for me.

I missed my psychologist appointment yesterday. I didn't think it would effect me that much, but it has. Good thing my Momma is here. She's done so much to help me, both physically and mentally. She knows when to shut up and she knows when to say what I don't want to hear, but NEED to hear. Thanks Momma. I was doing really well yesterday, but not feeling so well today. I wanted to go to for a walk today, but I don't think that'll happen. I'm weak. Trying to balance the proper amount of water (64oz/day) and protein(60g) has proven to be difficult. But after I've talked to other sleevers, they've just said to focus on water and take two Flintstones vitamins a day. The biggest concern is dehydration. You definitely don't want that. They also said to try and get as much protein as you can, but don't make yourself sick trying. It will all come in time, and healing.

So all and all, I'm pretty happy today. Just trying to balance food, kids, and love ;) My poor hubby has been pretty worried, I hope he can see how good I'm doing...and how happy I am. and I promise, it's not just the vicodin talking ;)

Day 3...

They say that the 3rd day after surgery is supposed to be the worst...but it really hasn't been that bad. In fact, I didn't even have to take a pain pill until 9:30 this morning! WOOHOO! I hate those things....they leave me all foggy and groggy headed. I'm realizing how difficult it is to fully monitor everything that is coming into your body, when you've never had to do it like this. I have to measure down to the ounces for my water intake. I had some tea today, no sugar of course, and it tasted like heaven...lol...it's the small things. I also ventured into the scrambled egg land. I ate about a 1/4 of a scrambled egg and it hasn't hurt me, so that's a plus. I need that protein badly. If any of you have any websites or tricks to get protein powder samples, let me know. I could use them. That crap is expensive and not all of it tastes too great. Don't wanna drop $50 on some powder that will never get drank.

I'm doing really well on the emotional side of things. I haven't had a total breakdown yet, and I don't feel like I will until I'm really feeling good, and can eat whatever I want and I have to stop myself. That's when that fancy smancy psychologist comes into play :) LOLOL I kid....but really. That's why I have him. I know it's coming...this has to be the calm before the storm...or something like that...lol...well, until next time :) I'm out..it's pain pill and nap time for me ;)

Update from the hospital...hahahahah...what was I thinking!?

Well...that was a whirlwind...We got there at 4:45 am Monday morning, surgery started before 7. Went off without a hitch. Perfect surgery. We even have an awesome DVD of my surgery...hit me up if your interested ;) Took less than an hour, he decided I could go home. We were out of the hospital by 2:00. That was awesome...except I had to give up my morphine. Yeah, morphine.... We drove home, Chance filled nausea meds and vicodine scripts, my bestie came to see me, she even sat there while I tried to puke...you haven't felt pain until you try to puke after have 80% of your stomach cut out. Let me tell you, that's a different kind of pain. I've pretty much just been sleeping. Drinking my liquids, taking my pain killers and sleeping. They say sleep is the best way to re coop. I hope they're correct. Protein powder is a godsend. Everything taste different now. No bad different, just new different. It's very odd. I finally got to take a shower this morning....I swear to you, I smelled like a skunk, but I did have this really awesome orange tan from mid thigh to just above my chest...lol...bedodine. ;) lol

Today has been a little better. I've discovered many things about my body through this short while. First of all, when they say you're going to have gas, they aren't kidding...lol...and you can't really control it either...good thing my mother and children have a good sense of humor and don't judge me too much. Secondly, it hurts when my stomach growls....like makes my eyes tear up hurt. Thirdly, I really didn't realize I could live off of this few calories and be alright. I'm barely bringing in 600 calories, but I'm taking my Flintstones chewable (that's all I can handle right now) and my unflavored protein powder and I'm doing alright.

This is a mumble jumbled mess, but my mind is just kinda like that right now....I'm going to give you a peek at what i got to "eat" yesterday....lol...enjoy, don't judge :)

6-7-11

7:45 nausea med 1/2 vidodin

8:00 sugar free Popsicle

8:15 1/2 vicodin

10:55 4oz. ckn broth w/ protein powder

1:00 1/2 vicodin

1?30 1/2 vicodin

4:15 nausea meds, 4 oz chicken broth/ pp, 1/2C diluted apple juice

5:30 1/2 vicodin

5:45 1/2 vicodin

5:55 5oz water

9:00 sugar free popsicle.

That's my day...and you wouldn't believe how hard it is to get all that down. I'm also sipping water throughout the day....slowly, and not too close to "meal" times.

Thanks for all thoughts and prayers and support!! It means the world!! :D

And a HUGE shout out to all my friends at Milan!!! I LOVE MY CARD!!! Thank you so much! It brightened my day :D Thanks for bringing it by Annie :D