thoughts....

I saw this image in an article today...and it is the epitamy of how I see myself. It's really sad how I look at myself. I have days where I think I look great, and other days I look in the mirror and tear myself up. I do have the markings of twins....that's awesome and I'm covered in scars from all my previous surgeries. Chance asked me a good question the other day...."When are you ever going to be happy with what you see in the mirror? When are you finally going to be happy to be you?" Great questions...and questions that I truly don't have the answers for. I know that I'm a great person. I'm an amazing Momma and great wife. I like to think I'm a great friend. I am very selfish at times and I take way too much shit from people 90% of the time, mainly because I'm worrried that I might hurt their feelings....which is kinda funny....lol.....cause they're hurting mine. I still have to physically stop myself from eating when I'm happy or sad or celebrating or depressed....so all the time pretty much....this really sucks. There I said it. I am still a work in progress and I have a feeling it's going to take a whole lot longer than I thought....crap. lol I didn't weigh this morning, I actually refused to get on the scale after all the Christmas goodies I ate this weekend....I'm just in denile...and that's cool...but instead of looking at the weight I most likely put on, I'm going to look at the fact that I'm down 80 some odd pounds and I'm happier and healthier than I've been in years.....who cares that I have a huge pocket of skin where a flat tummy should be, who cares that my arms are flabby and who the hell cares that my boobs have shrunk....cause Chance still thinks I'm beautiful and I kinda think I'm alright lookin too....hehehehehe...