Just another day....

I ventured into real food territory yesterday....and I'm not feeling too good about it. Eating has already become tedious for me. Teeny tiny bites, chew 40-60 times, swallow....wait 1-3 minutes, repeat. I have to give myself time to see if it's going to sit well in my tummy or if it's going to make me uncomfortable. I stopped at El Pollo Loco yesterday and picked up an 8 piece mixed chicken meal. For those of you who don't know what El Pollo Loco is, well, it's amazing. Nothing is fried, it's all grilled and it tastes so good! So anywho---I sat down with kiddos and ate a few bites of chicken...but I kinda got ahead of myself and I might have ate too fast, and I hurt myself...lol...not agonizing pain, no puking, I just ate too much too fast. Real food sits a lot differently in your tummy than liquids. So, it's back to the starting boards for me... I tried again today at lunch and did lots better. I ate slowly and waited between bites. I'm finding that chewing and biting and swallowing actual food is more difficult because of all the extra air you swallow. It's not really the food that's making me hurt, it's all the extra air I'm swallowing in the process....so something else I'll have to figure out. Oh, and nothing tastes right anymore....not even my beloved ketchup...it's almost too sweet. Now, I'm not complaining about any of this, well not too much at least....it is difficult for me...not gonna lie. So many of the things that I once loved, and really looked forward to and enjoyed immensely are now gone. It's like a mourning process almost. I'm almost pissed at this point...lol...I'm pissed that I can't enjoy the one thing in life that has always been there for me. It never abandoned me, it never made me feel bad about what I was doing, and it never judged me. And now...I feel like it is...lol....I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's the truth. But I just have to step back and take a few deep breaths and remember that this is what I have chosen, and this is what is going to help me live a longer and happier and healthy life. Once I'm healed I'll be able to redirect my love for food onto something else. Who knows what that will be....but I'm sure it'll be better for me than what I was originally doing. :)