1st day at the gym....

It was a success! I felt sooo good when I left...and if felt good just to be back in the gym again. It was also super great, because I had the support of my best friend. We talked and walked on the treadmills for 45 minutes....well, she ran for a bit....not me...lol...not for a while. But it was nice to feel that good for a bit.

Fast forward 3 hours......

I.AM.EXHAUSTED.

This is the only reason why I HATE working out. I always feel super good for about an hour after I workout, then I crash...and I crash hard. I'm lucky my fingers are working at this point...lol

I totally screwed myself from the get go this morning....First of all, I forgot my water....as a sleever, you never, ever, EVER leave home without your water. Then I forgot my towel, which is funny....cause they usually charge, but they let me borrow one for today....they took pity on the new girl...I won't forget it next time...I swear it. And thirdly, I didn't keep track of how many calories I burned....hence I'm exhausted now. My breakfast only consists of about 110 calories....IF I'm lucky. Lots of protein in there, but not very many calories to work on. Hence...my exhaustion. So now, for the rest of the day, I will be exhausted and just working on my water intake.

But even with all my mess ups....I really did enjoy this morning. And the kiddos LOVED it. and like I said yesterday, that's really all that counts ;)

activity today: Treadmill for 45 minutes.....2.15 miles

whaaaaat!?

Yep, we joined a gym. I can't really believe it. I am not, in any way, shape or form a fitness buff. But if I want to get the most out of my sleeve, I need to workout. Am I going to go hardcore? nope. I do plan on going at least 3 days a week. The kiddos are even excited about it. The place has an awesome kids club. And that's all that matters right!? heheheheh..... We got a hell of a deal and the guy even threw in the month to month package for no additional charge....so I'm not totally trapped if we end up not using it. And Chance's company will cover our start up costs....so that's a bonus! Wish me luck...I'll start going tomorrow....

3 Week Post Op.....

WEIGH IN DAY!!!

SW: 281.8 lbs.

CW: 260.0 lbs.

This weeks loss: .4 lbs.

Total lost: 21.8 lbs




Well, at first I was super upset by this....but then I thought to myself, I already lost 21.4 lbs in 2 weeks, I think I can afford to only lose a tiny bit for a week or two. Plus, my pants and shirts aren't as tight as they were last week, so I know I'm losing something...somewhere...lol...

Next week is measurements! I'm excited for that.

blahhhhhhhhh......

I am most definitely having a blah kinda day. Not sure why...I think I did too much yesterday. A mile walk plus a trip to Sam's, plus cleaning for the in laws....I think it has come back to bite me in the ass today. I'm exhausted, and super duper sore. I have NO ambition to eat, or really even move. But I forced myself to get up and go walking this morning. Just a 1/2 mile this morning. Jaxon joined me...it was nice. I'm really worried about going back to school. 10 hour days is going to be hard. But I know I can do it....just another period of adjustment. I just really hope I haven't totally f'd myself. Don't really wanna start from scratch a year from now. That would suck. I have my psych appt at 2:45 today, probably a good day for it. My weight loss is right on track and moving very quickly, I guess these fears are just something that goes along with the territory.


On a lighter note, the in laws made it here safe and sound and the kiddos and I were super happy to see them. They all just vacated the house to go to the grocery store. It's nice to sit in silence for a bit. They brought some stuff from my Momma's storage unit, kinda odd to see so many of the things from my childhood....especially since my childhood involved a married Mom and Dad and now, well, not so much...lol.... My Mom didn't send a few of the boxes I really wanted, but she's going to mail them to me, lots of things to go through. Can't wait! :)

Hope everyone has a great day, I'm sure I will, hot as hell here today. 107° I believe is the high...OUCH! Thank God for the pool.

Day 15...

I have no clever title...never have been good with the title thing...lol...anywho- I had some energy this morning, so I decided to go on a walk with my babies....yeah, they're 5 and I still call them my babies...deal with it...lol We walked from our house up to the main road and back and I used this spiffy little website HERE! Thanks Carrie ;) And it told me approximately how much we walked....pretty cool website if ya ask me. :)



So yep, I'm feeling pretty good today, the in laws are coming to town today!! The kiddos are super excited and I am too. It's nice having them around. It will most definitely be a big test for me. See, my MIL is probably one of the best Southern cooks around. She makes the best f-n Chicken fried steak on the face of the planet, her bread is to die for, and she makes a Red Velvet cake that would bring tears to your eyes....and yep...I really can't eat any of that. The chicken fried steak I could, but that's about it....OH and her chocolate chip cookies are the BEST. And I'm not going to be like "Hey! don't make that! I can't eat that!" LOLOL I would never deprive my kiddos and my hubby from his Momma's awesome cooking....I will most definitely be nibbling on a cookie...I will not denie myself that...so yep, I'm not really expecting big number changes on the scale for next week, but you never know...it could totally happen! I will be able to go walk more since they'll be here to stay with the kiddos. So that will be pretty nifty.


I really miss my Momma. I love having her around, and pretty soon, I bet she'll be even further away, but that's cool...here's to your happiness Momma!! Love you :D

Week 2 Post Op....

Holy crap...I seriously didn't believe my eyes this morning! Check it out...

start weight: 281.8

Current Weight: 260.4

Total Lost: 21.4 lbs.

O.M.G.

Now once again....if I could see it, or feel it, that'd be awesome...but with all my dumb luck, I'm probably just losing muscle mass ;) lol I still have quite a bit of swelling in my abdominal area, but I do notice that my face is getting thinner...and my thighs....so I'll take it...lol...

Once again, thanks for following my journey and letting me share my exciting moments with you!!! :D I'm so happy right now!!! WAHOOO!

Just another day....

I ventured into real food territory yesterday....and I'm not feeling too good about it. Eating has already become tedious for me. Teeny tiny bites, chew 40-60 times, swallow....wait 1-3 minutes, repeat. I have to give myself time to see if it's going to sit well in my tummy or if it's going to make me uncomfortable. I stopped at El Pollo Loco yesterday and picked up an 8 piece mixed chicken meal. For those of you who don't know what El Pollo Loco is, well, it's amazing. Nothing is fried, it's all grilled and it tastes so good! So anywho---I sat down with kiddos and ate a few bites of chicken...but I kinda got ahead of myself and I might have ate too fast, and I hurt myself...lol...not agonizing pain, no puking, I just ate too much too fast. Real food sits a lot differently in your tummy than liquids. So, it's back to the starting boards for me... I tried again today at lunch and did lots better. I ate slowly and waited between bites. I'm finding that chewing and biting and swallowing actual food is more difficult because of all the extra air you swallow. It's not really the food that's making me hurt, it's all the extra air I'm swallowing in the process....so something else I'll have to figure out. Oh, and nothing tastes right anymore....not even my beloved ketchup...it's almost too sweet. Now, I'm not complaining about any of this, well not too much at least....it is difficult for me...not gonna lie. So many of the things that I once loved, and really looked forward to and enjoyed immensely are now gone. It's like a mourning process almost. I'm almost pissed at this point...lol...I'm pissed that I can't enjoy the one thing in life that has always been there for me. It never abandoned me, it never made me feel bad about what I was doing, and it never judged me. And now...I feel like it is...lol....I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's the truth. But I just have to step back and take a few deep breaths and remember that this is what I have chosen, and this is what is going to help me live a longer and happier and healthy life. Once I'm healed I'll be able to redirect my love for food onto something else. Who knows what that will be....but I'm sure it'll be better for me than what I was originally doing. :)

Doctors Visit...

I had my doctors visit yesterday. I was well equipped with my notebook full of questions, my vitamins, my momma and my hubby. First of all, let me just say that I love my doctor. If you're in the area, and you're looking for this option, you should definitely check out Dr. Ara Keshishian, He has the best bedside manner and he's a pistol. Which I appreciate in a doctor. I like straightforward, almost to the point of rude Doctors. But no totally rude...I just don't want them sugarcoating or pretending there's not a problem when there really is. Don't baby me...I don't like it. So anywho, I asked him all my questions, he answered them....with quirky but true answers....for example: Can I swim? I don't know, can you? nice. May I swim? Yes, you may. lol. So on a high note, I can swim, drive, eat WHATEVER I want. I will repeat that for some of you. I CAN EAT WHATEVER I WANT. See the beauty of the surgery I've had, is that nothing in my body has been disturbed. My stomach was simply made smaller. I have no narrowing of my intestinal track or digestive track. My stomach is just teeny tiny. He said my progress has been amazing. He was proud of my food diary and my healing. I still need to wear my support band, but he said that's just for my benefit, if I decide i can't stand it, to take it off. He reiterated the fact that this is a jump start to a lifestyle change. I still need to stay away from high fat, high calorie foods, but if I have a hankering for a chicken nugget to get one. Cause that's all I'll want and be able to handle. The only thing he wasn't too happy about was my water intake...gotta get 64oz a day. He said that is the most important part, as well as the vitamins and calcium. He said it will just take some time. But I have been cleared! He wants to see me in a month. I will be staying away from breads and pastas, just because they swell so much in your stomach, it's just a waste of good calories for me. I'm going to continue with my protein shakes. Oh! I can even eat salads!!! Good form of fiber for me :) Every time I see him he keeps trying to beat into my head, that the type of procedure I had done, really isn't like anything anyone else has had done. And I think it's finally sunk in. I had no drainage tube, I was in and out of the hospital in one day, and I got a nifty DVD just to prove it. Chance and I watched it last night with the kiddos....which Aunt Jenny would be proud to know that I'm almost positive I have a little nurse on my hands...Madi was more into that video, than her Tangled movie....lol. She was asking so many questions, that I barely had the answers for...and she even asked to watch it again this morning. I've had the DVD since the day of my surgery, just hadn't had the guts to watch it....lol...it really wasn't that bad. Just weird to know that my stomach was that HUGE! I'm going to try and save it to my compy and put it on here. He's about 35 minutes long...so I might have to enlist the help of my sister to figure all that out...hint hint ;)

So needless to say, after my appointment, we went and had lunch at Red Lobster. My doctor said you can never go wrong with seafood. High in protein and usually, if it's not smothered in sauce, low in calories. I had 3 wood grilled shrimp, a bite of Caesar salad, and 3 bites of wood grilled salmon. And I couldn't have been happier!! Try not chewing anything for a while and only getting things that are liquid and you'll understand my happiness! that was at 2:00 yesterday afternoon and I didn't even want anything to eat until about 8:00 last night. That's a first :) And an excellent first! :D

I really do believe that this surgery was my God send. I have so much more control now. Am I weak? yes. Do some day SUCK way more than others? you betcha! Is it hard to watch everyone around you eating pizza and hot dogs and chips and salsa and knowing that I really can't touch it? yep. But it's going to benefit me in the long run. Can I have the above listed foods? yep, but do I really wanna do that to myself after this???? Not so much. I don't hurt, other than the general soreness of healing. I don't hurt when I eat or afterwards. I can feel my limit very quickly. I just have to chew about 40 times per bite and swallow slowly, and don't forget tiny bites. Not everyone has to have this procedure to make this work. I have no self control, but I'm learning it. I have a great psychologist that I go to, and he helps me out in the mental department. It's not always smiley faces and daisies for me....he sees the bad stuff...poor guy. ;) But to tell you the truth, it's all worth it. The happiness, the sadness, even the stress, just to know that I'm going to be around a little longer for my kiddos....

Some info....

So I realized I never really gave you guys all the info on my surgery...this is it. Directly from my Doctor's website. You can click on that link and he has all kinds of info about all the different kinds of surgeries...even videos :)

So there you have it. Now you know :) NONE of my intestines were removed. It was ONLY my stomach. :) And now you know why I'm having issues with vitamins and whatnot. My tummy is teeny tiny....lol...so it's just a period of adjustment. I think I might be hitting up some friends with a costco card to get some of those liquid vitamins ;)

Today was good, but rough. I went on a walk this morning...I'm all jittery and shaky and nauseous from the vitamins and calcium pills. Slowly but surely I'll figure this all out. I know just know it!!! :D I did try muscle milk today and it's not that bad. That one container equals out to 2 meals for me! Damn...I'm a cheap date.

I did receive a letter from my Dr yesterday saying that I have a vitamin D deficiency...He wants me to take an absurd amount of D3 and instead of 1500mg of calcium to up it to 3000mg of calcium....ummm, yeah sure dude....I'll squeeze that in between my vitamins and 64oz of water intake ;) HAHA! I crack myself up....but really, I'll figure this all out.

Thanks for reading :) I'll update tomorrow after we go to the doctor. Glendale, here we come! :D

One Week Post Op Weigh In!!!

Weighed in this morning....

start weight 281.8

1 week post op: 268.6

holy.crap.

how awesome!!!

Down 13.2 pounds!! :D

Day 5 & 6...

Yesterday was awesome! I was eating fine, getting into the groove of things. I even got out of the house. I went to Leslie's Pool Supply with Chance and CVS for my calcium chews and we stopped by his office to do some "work." I sat and watched of course. My water intake was even good.


Today....I didn't sleep real well last night, but I feel alright today. My support band around my stomach is killing me. We got it to tight a few days ago and it's left little sores. Not bad...just itchy and irritating. If you've ever had a cast, you know how that feeling is. Same thing. I feel super hungry today...but I've been fighting it. I had about 3 ozs of strawberry protein shake for breakfast, my flintstones vitamin, a calcium chew, constant sips of water. lunch rolled around and I ate some tuna. It's crazy how much my tastes have changed. I didn't have it in me to roll out of bed early this morning. I could smell my Momma cooking something yummy for breakfast, so I just stayed cooped up in my room until I heard the clinking of dishes being washed. I'm still fighting it...but by God, I'm fighting it. :)
I'm hoping I'll have the energy in a bit to go to Lowe's with Chance to get a few things...but I'm not gonna hold my breath. Like I said earlier, I'm awfully tired. 400 calories a day is super hard on the ol body...especially when it's so used to getting much more than that....it's just a period of adjustment...

Tomorrow is weigh in day!!! 1 week post op!!! I've been watching my weight daily, but I was waiting til the first week to post it. My weigh ins will be weekly and my measurements and pics will be monthly. I think that'll be a good plan...for now :)


Thanks again for all the constant support and sweet messages. I know I don't always get to reply back to all of them, but you know who you are and I appreciate all that more than you'll ever know! :D

Day 4...

I started having the "what have I done's" yesterday...but I'm much better today. I got to eat some mashed potatoes with protein powder for dinner last night and two teeny tiny bites of chicken. Chewed up 40 times. Try doing that sometime...it's pretty hard to chew something up that much. I've been craving foods, but just knowing how badly they'll hurt me, keeps me away. The one thing that is kinda killing me is Dr.Pepper. I told Mom yesterday that I was close to a panic attack because I wanted one so badly. The Dr said I could pour one into a cup, let it go flat and drink it then...but I mean, really?? what's the point. I made a choice when I decided to have this done, lifestyle change. forever. It's almost liberating to be eating just to nourish my body and that's the only purpose. Might sound odd to some people, but it's kinda awesome for me.

I missed my psychologist appointment yesterday. I didn't think it would effect me that much, but it has. Good thing my Momma is here. She's done so much to help me, both physically and mentally. She knows when to shut up and she knows when to say what I don't want to hear, but NEED to hear. Thanks Momma. I was doing really well yesterday, but not feeling so well today. I wanted to go to for a walk today, but I don't think that'll happen. I'm weak. Trying to balance the proper amount of water (64oz/day) and protein(60g) has proven to be difficult. But after I've talked to other sleevers, they've just said to focus on water and take two Flintstones vitamins a day. The biggest concern is dehydration. You definitely don't want that. They also said to try and get as much protein as you can, but don't make yourself sick trying. It will all come in time, and healing.

So all and all, I'm pretty happy today. Just trying to balance food, kids, and love ;) My poor hubby has been pretty worried, I hope he can see how good I'm doing...and how happy I am. and I promise, it's not just the vicodin talking ;)

Day 3...

They say that the 3rd day after surgery is supposed to be the worst...but it really hasn't been that bad. In fact, I didn't even have to take a pain pill until 9:30 this morning! WOOHOO! I hate those things....they leave me all foggy and groggy headed. I'm realizing how difficult it is to fully monitor everything that is coming into your body, when you've never had to do it like this. I have to measure down to the ounces for my water intake. I had some tea today, no sugar of course, and it tasted like heaven...lol...it's the small things. I also ventured into the scrambled egg land. I ate about a 1/4 of a scrambled egg and it hasn't hurt me, so that's a plus. I need that protein badly. If any of you have any websites or tricks to get protein powder samples, let me know. I could use them. That crap is expensive and not all of it tastes too great. Don't wanna drop $50 on some powder that will never get drank.

I'm doing really well on the emotional side of things. I haven't had a total breakdown yet, and I don't feel like I will until I'm really feeling good, and can eat whatever I want and I have to stop myself. That's when that fancy smancy psychologist comes into play :) LOLOL I kid....but really. That's why I have him. I know it's coming...this has to be the calm before the storm...or something like that...lol...well, until next time :) I'm out..it's pain pill and nap time for me ;)

Update from the hospital...hahahahah...what was I thinking!?

Well...that was a whirlwind...We got there at 4:45 am Monday morning, surgery started before 7. Went off without a hitch. Perfect surgery. We even have an awesome DVD of my surgery...hit me up if your interested ;) Took less than an hour, he decided I could go home. We were out of the hospital by 2:00. That was awesome...except I had to give up my morphine. Yeah, morphine.... We drove home, Chance filled nausea meds and vicodine scripts, my bestie came to see me, she even sat there while I tried to puke...you haven't felt pain until you try to puke after have 80% of your stomach cut out. Let me tell you, that's a different kind of pain. I've pretty much just been sleeping. Drinking my liquids, taking my pain killers and sleeping. They say sleep is the best way to re coop. I hope they're correct. Protein powder is a godsend. Everything taste different now. No bad different, just new different. It's very odd. I finally got to take a shower this morning....I swear to you, I smelled like a skunk, but I did have this really awesome orange tan from mid thigh to just above my chest...lol...bedodine. ;) lol

Today has been a little better. I've discovered many things about my body through this short while. First of all, when they say you're going to have gas, they aren't kidding...lol...and you can't really control it either...good thing my mother and children have a good sense of humor and don't judge me too much. Secondly, it hurts when my stomach growls....like makes my eyes tear up hurt. Thirdly, I really didn't realize I could live off of this few calories and be alright. I'm barely bringing in 600 calories, but I'm taking my Flintstones chewable (that's all I can handle right now) and my unflavored protein powder and I'm doing alright.

This is a mumble jumbled mess, but my mind is just kinda like that right now....I'm going to give you a peek at what i got to "eat" yesterday....lol...enjoy, don't judge :)

6-7-11

7:45 nausea med 1/2 vidodin

8:00 sugar free Popsicle

8:15 1/2 vicodin

10:55 4oz. ckn broth w/ protein powder

1:00 1/2 vicodin

1?30 1/2 vicodin

4:15 nausea meds, 4 oz chicken broth/ pp, 1/2C diluted apple juice

5:30 1/2 vicodin

5:45 1/2 vicodin

5:55 5oz water

9:00 sugar free popsicle.

That's my day...and you wouldn't believe how hard it is to get all that down. I'm also sipping water throughout the day....slowly, and not too close to "meal" times.

Thanks for all thoughts and prayers and support!! It means the world!! :D

And a HUGE shout out to all my friends at Milan!!! I LOVE MY CARD!!! Thank you so much! It brightened my day :D Thanks for bringing it by Annie :D

...

Well, in 30 minutes, we will be walking out the house and heading to the hospital. I'm a full blown ball of nerves. I know everything will be fine, but I'm still nervous. Nervous about many things....am I making the right decision? is this as safe as I've told myself over and over? am I going to be able to be happy without my food? And the answers to all of those are yes, I know I will and I can....

Eat to Live, don't live to eat.

My food may be gone, but I'll be a whole lot healthier for my little family. And their happiness and mine means a whole lot :)

Wish me luck!

Testing...testing...

Just checking to see if my phone is connected to my blog. I'll update from the hospital if this works.

My new journey...

Yep...that's me....I'm way more nervous than I look...

Boy oh boy...its been a while...last I wrote, I was still battling with my weight. And I still am...but I have chosen to take my weight loss into my own hands and get a gastric sleeve. This is not a decision that I didn't think about. I've been thinking about a lap-band for the past two years. My doctor approved me for that almost a year and a half ago...but I was chicken, and thought I could do it on my own. Well 20 lbs later, it's apparent that I couldn't.

For those of you who have judged me for my decision, saying it's an easy way out, I would like to know how you came to that conclusion. How could cutting out 80% of my stomach be an easy way out. I will no longer be able to enjoy the foods that I love. I have had to start going to psychologist just for my food addiction....yep, My name is Billie Lynn and I'm a food addict. For the first year I will be living off of liquid and pureed and soft foods. If that's an easy way out, well then I've got it all wrong. I'm not looking forward to all the hardships ahead of me, but it's something I have to do. For my health, for my children and for myself. I want to see then grow up and I want to see my grandchildren grow up too.

I took my measurements...not so fun...oy...it's embarrassing to see how much I let myself go...but here they are, with a pre-op picture or two or four...

6/5/11 Measurements

Left wrist 6.5"

Right writst 6.5"

Left upper arm 17.25"

Right upper arm 17.25

Chest 48"

Waist 47"

Hips 56.5"

Left thigh 31"

Right thigh 32"

Left calf 16.5"

Right calf 16"

Dress size 22/24

Shirt Size 22/24

Bra Size 40F

Ring Size 9"

Shoe Size 9.5"

Neck size 16"

Weight: 281 lbs

Tomorrow is the big day....I'm praying for a good, no problems kind of surgery....please say a few prayers for me :)