Pity party....table for one please.

yep yep yep....been one of those weeks.....I shall start out with good news....I've lost 25 lbs. I went and weighed in this morning and I had lost 2 more pounds. We got the elliptical and the in laws came to visit. They bought the kiddos their entire summer wardrobe!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH! They really don't understand how much that helped us out. Now onto not so good news. My Daddy called on Thursday and told me he saw a doctor on Monday and he prescribed him some pills for his heart and a diuretic pill. My father is a big man and he is built just like me....please see pic below...he had swollen up to well over 320 lbs. He could hardly walk or talk and when he did walk he said it felt like he was walking on pillows. I heard heart pills and took a leap from a 3 mile high bridge. I'm really good when I hear about other people's families or friends or complete strangers talk about health problems...but damn...this is my daddy....and it's not cool.....any who-I'm completely worried....I'm not like crazy or anything, just kinda on edge. I've never really thought about losing my Daddy....and it scares the piss outta me. We don't have the most ideal relationship in the world, but in all honesty..who does? He went back to the doctor yesterday and they told him he had atrial fibrillation.....and I guess it's treatable. (pacemaker) They also put him on a blood thinner. They referred him to a cardiologist and we're waiting for that appointment to be set up. Then I guess we'll go from there.

I guess what bugs me the most, is that I'm not there...I can't see him...I feel completely fucking worthless. I should be there taking care of him and his appointments. I'm the one that was ALWAYS there for him. I think it's shitty that my sister in law is having to take care of all this. All of my siblings have jobs...real jobs...and they are all having to deal with this. I hate feeling worthless....and here I go with my selfish self...talking about how I feel. I'm just weird I guess....I should be the one there....I have been so scared that my parents were going to go out in some weird or horrible way.....and I just feel like it's starting...I'm just getting over their damn divorce....and then here this comes.....I'm a very selfish person and I'm just not ready to give either of my parents up....lol....I guess you could say I'm a 26 year old Daddy's girl........................................but you truly have to understand my father...he would seriously just sit in his chair and ignore every call from his doctor, throw away all postcard reminders and sit in his chair and deteriorate away....so that's why I'm so worried...if there isn't some to kick him in his ass and get him going then he would just forget about it. I'm so thankful that I do have my brother and sister there....thank GOD. Hopefully they can all keep him in check. Please keep him in your prayers...and me too...I'll be making an early trip back to Texas....I'm going to ditch Chance and come early...go and spend some time with my Daddy. See what's going on...and see if there is anything I can help with. I told ya I was freaking out a little.....This is the only time that I hate living so far away....when a family member is down...I can't be there to fix it. I'm a fixer...lol.

There's my rant.....take it or leave it....just typing again.....take care and be blessed....