Biiiig Steps

So....I think I've taken a leap instead of a baby step...lol. I'm proud of my body. I'm proud to say I've worked my ass off to get where I'm at. I did have surgeries, and you know what!? I'M PROUD of every scar and every experience. I still have to pick and choose what goes in my body, it's not easy, but it's getting better :)

I did boudoir photos today with my best friend. We laughed, we worried, we fretted over lumps and bumps, but most importantly, we owned it and enjoyed ourselves! I promised an 8 week update pic, so here's a 9 week update.

Photo courtesy of Mac D Photography :)

6 weeks

Today is six weeks out! I'm standing up straight and working again! I can lay flat and even work out! All in all, I'm doing great! 8 weeks I'll post another pic :)

A picture....

They say a picture is worth a thousand words...and I agree....I'm so happy!  I still have a TON of swelling, so this is no way the finished product, but holy crap....I have a belly button!!!  A BELLY BUTTON!!!  So here ya go :)  I'm 4 weeks post op today and I still hurt, but I can stand straighter and sleep in my bed.  It's the small things really.  

A New Year....a not so new me ;)

So, today is 3 weeks post op!  I invited a friend over for lunch and our kiddos played around for a few hours.  It was a good day.  I ate terribly too much and now I feel like doodoo....but it was totally worth it.  I'm feeling really good today.  I finally got the spanx on.  At my 2 week appointment they told me I could start wearing spanx instead of my belly wrap.  But quite honestly, my belly wrap is much more comfy then my spanx.  Plus, it's the pits to pull those suckers up and down when you go potty...lol...plus, all the swollenness doesn't help.  I woke up today, took a shower and slapped on my spanx....I guess my swelling is going down, because it wasn't a huuuuge fight to get these suckers on.  And then I went in the kitchen and started on lunch.  I put almost all of it together, before I had to throw in the towel and sit down.  Chance finished the rest....like I've said, I'm very blessed.  He even made an apple pie.  

Sooooooo...Happy New Year!!!

It's going to be a good one!  We celebrated at 9pm since the ball dropped in NY at 9pm our time.  The kiddos enjoyed that, then passed out in the living room floor.  Jaxon slept there all night, Madi went to her bed...smart girl.  

I'm very excited for this year.  It's going to be a good one!  I can feel it.  This last year was great until September....September was very rough.  Lost one of the best men in the world....my Uncle Jess.  I loved him very very much and I'll miss him more than anything.  I don't have very much family on my Daddy's side and he was one of the few left.  He was so loving and caring and an amazing Daddy.  My heart hurts for my cousins....but they're strong and I know that he is looking down on them and loving what he sees.  The other loss was my friend Lee....He was 28 years young.  Too damn soon if ya ask me...but unfortunately God didn't ask my opinion on that one.   I admire his wife, she's so strong...they have 2 young kiddos and she's lucky to have an amazing family giving her all sorts of support.   Lee's family is amazing and her family seems pretty amazing too.  I guess it's like they say, if he leads you to it, he'll pull you through it.   I'm trying to give myself over to Christ, but damn that's hard...especially for me...no one has that much pull in my life....so to give it over to a "nonexistent" person is kinda odd for me.   I'm trying.  I wanna make sure I make it to those pearly gates to hang out with the ones I've lost...

   I didn't making any resolutions this year....I never stick to them.  I'm just gonna keep on doing what I'm doing and just be me.   A much smaller me this year, but still me.

Happy New Years folks!!  Hope this year is everything you want it to be!

Oy....

Yesterday was rough....I took about fifteen steps back yesterday. Every move I made yesterday, I felt like my guts were going to pour out of my belly button. I know it's just part of the healing process...some days are better than others, but dadgum....I'm ready to be better! I've noticed, that since I've gotten older its's much harder for me to come back from surgeries. I never thought there would be a worse surgery than my sleeve surgery, but I stand corrected. This tummy tuck has been really hard. My body isn't just bouncing back. They said four to six weeks....and they weren't lying! Yesterday was the first time that I asked myself why I wanted this. Then I took my shower this morning and didn't have to fight a flap of skin and I remembered why. Most of my steri strips have come off. And I really wish I couldn't see what was under there. The incision for my tummy tuck is amazing! Barely even visible. As you saw from my picture yesterday, my belly button is disgusting. It doesn't hurt as bad today as it did yesterday, but getting up and down has become a fine science. LOL my boobs is where I start to freak out. The incision is much more visible up there. Kinda scary to look at. I have to put some brown tape over the incisions once the steri strips came off, so luckily I can't see them all the time. I'm very impatient, as you can tell, and I'm ready to see the final product. I just keep reminding myself....one day at a time...and each day is getting better.

Excited!

So....everyone has been making fun of me, because I'm more excited about having a visible belly button than perky boobs. LOL Well, when you haven't seen your belly button in over 10 years, you might be able to understand....which, might I add, I hope never happens to any of you. See, when I was a wee baby, I had umbilical hernia. They had to completely reconstruct my belly button. So I had a 6 inch scar from one side of it to the other. It was a pretty belly button, but with all the weight loss and gain, I created a flap of skin that hung over it. Once I'm brave enough to post a before picture, you'll understand what I'm talking about. I've called it my tummy's sad face. LOL so I got my camera out a snapped a pic of my new belly button. It's absolutely disgusting right now, but I can fully see its potential! I can't wait to be healed. I still hurt, but now it's just a ridiculously annoying and miserable pain. I'm only taking pain pills at night, Tylenol during the day. I'm so ready to be able to get up and go, but it's just not possible. If I stand longer than 5 minutes it feels like everything is going to fall out my belly button. I'll be better soon though....hopefully...lol. Well, here's the pic...enjoy being grossed out! ;)

Sleep...

We meet again! I missed laying in bed and falling asleep next to my very handsome husband. They pulled the tubes yesterday and I feel 50% better than I have been! I slept well, my shower went well this morning and I'm moving around better already. They really weren't lying about the excess fluid coming out of my incisions and belly button though! And might I add, it stinks. So gross....but the nurse is a genius. She said to put a panty liner over my belly button and any leaks in my incision and it will not only soak up the fluid, but it will also soak up the smell....smart lady! Well...that's all I have today. Sleep was marvelous last night :) and my swelling is down quite substantially today :)

2 week checkup.

Well, this morning they checked me out and yanked two drain tubes out of me...just so everyone knows, this is not painful. I broke out in a sweat before she pulled the first one. I was scared to death that it was going to hurt. I could only feel a weird sensation under my skin, then nothing. I'm healing very nicely and I'm healthy as a horse :) I go back on January 8th, for my 4 week checkup. I'm so glad I went through with this....I hurt, I can't stand up straight and I only sleep when I take a pain pill....but I know that it will all pass and I'll be back to normal soon. Til then, I will be whiney and mildly cranky....but it will pass. Hope your Christmas was amazing!

2 weeks post op...

Merry Christmas! Today was my number one concern when chance told me my surgery date. I had to be well enough to enjoy Christmas with my babies, and I have! So far today has been perfect. I did way too much in the past few days and my body is paying for it today. I'm very swollen and I'm just plain sore. So today, at the order of my mother in law, I'm grounded to my chair. I'm not gonna complain, it's really nice having family around to take care of me and give my poor hubby a break. I still have not weighed myself or done measurements. I figure they might do weight tomorrow when I go in to have my drain tubes removed. I'm hoping they take out both, but I have a stinking suspicion that they're only going to take out one. My hips are sore...I want them out. Well...that's my whine for the day ;) hope everyone is having an amazing holiday with family and friends alike. I'm missing a few very important people today....I hope they're first Christmas In Heaven is bringing them joy and happiness...cause boy o boy, I know a few families who are really hurting this year. Love you all & God bless :)

Pain Killers are the Devil...

Pain killers...yes, they have helped me through numerous surgeries and I appreciate them more than anyone could ever know. And up until I became old, I never had a problem with them. Well today I would like to fill you in on my past twenty four hours.

I went in Tuesday for my one week postoperative appointment and everything was great and grand. I told them that I hadn't pooped in a week. TMI. Yes, I know, but I've always told my readers that I will be disgustingly honest about all my business. They told me it was normal, to go to Target and get some magnesium citrate, mix with sprite, chug and it would definitely get things moving. Well it sure did....painfully so.

I ended up in the ER last night at 7. I left the ER without even seeing a doctor at 3:30am. I talked to a really nice nurse and she told me to try an enema. I come home in pain and tears and are my pour husband up to drive up to the northwest to the only 24 hour drugstore in town. He gets back quickly and then he has to give this thing to me. Ummmmm...first of all, how embarrassing. Second of all, how disgusting. Third of all, do you have any idea how hard it is to get on your hands and knees and put your butt in the air one week after a tummy tuck and breast reduction!? Well, let me tell you, I ran out of tears. 6am rolls around and all I have is excruciating pain. I go back to the packed ER. The lovely gentleman that checked me in at 7 the night before was helping an elderly lady to her car and saw me sitting in the waiting room. He came over and I busted out in tears. He got me to the back with a doctor in les than 30 minutes. He was my angel today and I'm so grateful to him. So the doctor comes in. He says it sounds like you're impacted. WTF!? Yeah, so he proceeded to do a rectal exam and pulled a wee little bit of poo out. Worst pain of my life. He apologized, helped me up and told me that the Vicodin was the leading cause of constipation. I am not a medical person. I really had no idea. I got a little bit backed up during my sleeve recovery, but nothing like this. He had the nurse bring in all sorts of things to take, then they kicked me out and said hurry home, quickly. They weren't lying. LOL. whatever they gave me worked a miracle. A very painful miracle. But I'm glad to say that I am resting and recouping and I'm thankful that its all over.

So moral of the story. Pay attention after a surgery, and make sure you're pooping. I had 8 days worth impacted, more or less.

Disgusting. TMI. Sorry I shared this, but if it helps someone in the future, I served my purpose.

Other than this, I'm feeling really good. Just another bump in the road. Last night was the first time in a long time that I cried for my Mommy. Don't ever want to go through that again...so I'm pushing tons of water and taking stool softener and cut down on Pain meds. I had completely quit and I was just bearing the pain. They said that's stupid. Don't do it. Ok. I've learned my lesson.

Been a while....

It's been a while since I updated you guys....so here's the short details.

• Met with Dr. Keyes.  Didn't care for him....in fact couldn't stand the man.  He was very self absorbed and rude.  I believe the sign of good character is to walk in and introduce yourself and shake someone's hand while looking them in the eye.  He did none of those things.  I do not recommend him. 
• About 1 month ago,I went to Beautologie and I met with Dr. Knoetgen.  Chance came with me and we both liked him a lot.  I have done business with Beautolgie before and they've always been very professional.  To tell you the truth, I hadn't heard very good things about their surgeons.  Dr. Knoetgen is a contract doctor through Beautologie.  He was so nice and took his time during the consult.  In fact, all of the staff took their time and answered a lot of my "stupid" questions.  I decided I wanted Dr. K to do my surgeries.  He advised against the Belt Lipectomy and that made me ecstatic!  That really scared the crap outta me.  He said I am saggy in my hind end, but that I didn't have rolls of skin hanging so why go through all that pain just to get a small amount of tightened skin.  I couldn't agree more!  And since I wasn't going to be cut all the way around, we could do the breast lift at the same time.   So I put it off....not wanting to spend the money on the surgeries.  I'm not a vain person....in fact I put my own stuff off as long as I can, because I would much rather buy things and do activities with the kids and Chance, than spend money on myself....especially plastic surgery.  It just seems wrong on so many levels to me. 
• So the day before Thanksgiving my husband calls and says, how would you like to go in for surgery on December 10th?   I laughed at him and said he was mean to tease me like that...lol....he was dead serious.  No joking about it.  He had already set the date for my surgery.  He said he knew I would never do this for myself and he knew I wanted it done.   So he took it upon himself to book my surgery date.  I love him so much :)
• I went in for an extended tummy tuck and breast lift on December 11th at 11am.  I was all done and wrapped up in bed by 4:30pm. 

Things I wasn't prepared for....

• Needless to say, when you in for surgery, especially plastic surgery, you are someones canvas.  Just like my clients are my canvas for hair and makeup.  You kinda have to give yourself over to them and trust them...A LOT.   I chose Dr. Knoetgen because I trusted him.   He decided the morning of, while writing on me with that damn blue marker that he wanted to sculpt me a bit with some liposuction.   I didn't think anything about it!  At all....boy...was I stupid.  I hadn't done any research at all on lipo.  And let me tell you....the recovery HURTS!  I seriously feel like someone went at me with a baseball bat.  I don't understand how people can keep going in over and over for some lipo.  I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy.  It hurts. 
• Drain Tubes.....I was expecting one.  I came out with two.  They are the most annoying thing I've ever had to deal with.  You have to keep them in at least 10 days.  I'm on my 6th day.  I'm not draining very much, thank goodness, so I should be right on track to take them out on the 10 day mark.   The area where they enter my body is so sore, but to tell you the truth, I'm more annoyed with them than the pain they cause. 
• Dr. Peppers.   I have once again, given them up.  I haven't had one in a week.   Being a post bariatric patient, it was incredibly stupid for me to start them up again...but there is just something about that syrupy goodness that is amazing to me!  LOL
• Pictures... I knew they were going to take before pictures at the office.  I just had no idea they were going to give me a copy of them.   In fact, I wish they wouldn't have.  I truly don't know how Chance could stand to look at me naked.  He just calls me stupid when I say things like that, but wow.   My pour tummy, from all the surgeries I've had since I was a baby, really make my tummy look like a mangled war zone.   Glad to say that this surgery removed all the scars and now I just have the one scar that will sit below my underwear line. 

So as of today, I am 6 days post op.   I've tried weaning myself off my meds and that was stupid.  I'm not ready to deal with the pain.   I have my pre-op appointment tomorrow at 3:30 and I can't wait to see what he thinks.   I have a belly button now.  I haven't seen my belly button in years....and years...and years...  It is a really gross, scabbed up mess right now, but it's so beautiful!!!  I have a flat tummy and a belly button!  And this may be TMI, but it lifted my crotch up as well!  WOOT WOOT!  LOL  All you bigger girls know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.   I can't wait to get back in the gym and work on the six pack I've always wanted!  I can't wait to go running without having to wear 3 different compression belts to keep my tummy from slapping my thighs.  And I can't wait to lay out by the pool all by myself in a bikini!   My boobs don't really hurt at all.  And he didn't have to cut as much as he thought he was going to have to cut.  I only have the lollipop incision instead of the anchor and lollipop incisions.   I can't wait to see how I look all healed.  I just have to keep reminding myself that everyday the swelling goes down and every day I'm closer to getting mback to normal.   I really hate being laid up. 

To all my friends who have lost a lot of weight, so far, this surgery is totally worth it.  I know I'm going to feel so much better in my own skin after this.  I can't wait to wear a pants that actually fit me, instead of buying a size bigger to stuff the skin into.  I can't wait to buy a bra that actually fits and not be falling out the front and both sides because my skin was overflowing everywhere!  I vow not to ever wear a bikini in public, oh but I will rock that shit at home ;)  lol

Hope today finds everyone happy and healthy.  My thoughts and prayers are still flowing towards Connecticut.  I just can't fathom how someone could do something so terrible.  And that's all I have to say about that. 

I will be posting my before pics as soon as I can take some decent after pics.  :) 

Bye for now ~~Billie Lynn

Moving on....

Lots has been happening this summer and it has all been great!  About a week ago, I hit the 100 lb mark!  I couldn't believe it, then I got distracted and forgot to post about it.  It lasted one day and I was back at 184 the next day...LOL  I'm staying between 181 and 186 all week long.  And I'm very happy about that.  I only ever posted about my weight I was the day before surgery.....I've never posted my start weight at the very beginning of my attempted lifestyle change.   The number would be 302.  wow....I just wrote that down...not cool....But I can't hang my head low....I've come so far.....

So today, I took a step in the right direction, or at least I think it was...lol...I had my first consultation with a plastic surgeon.  Chance and I drove down to Newport Beach today and had a consultation with Dr. Sanjay Grover.  He is probably one of the kindest men I've ever come into contact with...especially in this field.  He wasn't about sugarcoating anything, but still kept me calm and comfortable when I was wearing next to nothing...LOLOL...so odd. 

He told me my options for surgery.  I had in my head that I just needed a tummytuck and breast lift.   Little did I know that my thoughts were less than what was needed....oy. 

My FIRST surgery would be a Belt Lipectomy.  Look it up....I'd never heard of it before.  Essentially, I will be cut all the way around and all the loose skin with be removed.  I have decided to call this surgery a Trunk tuck.  LOL  Yep...that's what I'm calling it.  I thought I had excess fat on my hips...little did I know that it is actually mounds of loose skin!!  Great to know, just sucks that it's going to have to be cut off.   I know in my heart of hearts that I will be so much more comfortable with myself once all this sagging disgusting skin is gone.  But I will not lie and say that this doesn't scare the shit out of me, because it does....

My SECOND surgery will be a breast lift/reduction.  I have so much saggy skin and extra breast tissue just hanging that I will have to have the surgery by itself.   They can't do both surgeries at once because of the massive amounts of tissue they will have to remove from my stomach and breasts. 

I have worked so hard for this and now it comes down to this...lol...so odd.   It's kind of bittersweet.  

I'll report back tomorrow after my next consult with Dr. Keyes.  I'm excited to meet him and see what his thoughts are. 

Til then...take care and be blessed!

Happy Surgiversary!!!

Well folks...today marks one year of living my life again.  One year of the biggest trials and tribulations I've ever faced.  I've made amazing friends and I've lost a few.  But I wouldn't change it for the world.  I can run and play and swim and roll and jump...well you get the point...lol...And I can do it all with a smile on my face and not get too winded.  I still have a very long way to go to be a really healthy me, but I'm growing and learning day by day.  So drum roll please!  Here's the measurements :)

I've lost:
2" neck
1/2" left wrist
1/2" right wrist
5 3/4"  left upper arm
5 1/2" right upper arm
8 1/2" chest
11" waist
15 1/2" hips
6" left thigh
6.5" right thigh
2" left calf
2.5" right calf
Dress size went from 24 to 12!!
Shirt size went from XXXL to M/L
Bra size went from 40F to 36DDD
Ring size went from 9 to 7
Shoe size went from 9.5 to 8

66 1/4"  TOTAL LOST!  WOWOWOWOW!

I can't believe it!  Well I can...but it's still pretty surreal.

Thanks for all the support!  I'm one happy lady :)

11 months...

May 6th marked the 11 month date.  I can't believe it has already almost been a year!  It's so exciting to see how far I've come in this last 11 months!  I've really buckled down on my food intake the past few days and it's already paying off!  I let those pesky Dr. Peppers slip back in and it about hung me.  I actually got all the way back up to 190.  Then I had a minor freak out and now as of this morning, I'm down to 185.6!  WOOT WOOT!  It's all about the foods you're eating people!  It's a perfect balanced meal for a reason!  LOL  I'm learning this, slowly, but surely.  I'll be doing measurements at my year mark!  I'm excited to see how many inches total I've lost! 

Til next month :)

10 months....

April 6th, made it 10 months since my surgery! I didn't hit my goal of 100 lbs down by April 6th, but I did come super close! 95 lbs down! That's so awesome!

I really thought I would have a weight gain to report today, but miraculously I didn't...lol...I had put on about 3 lbs over the week. The kiddos were out of spring break and we snacked...a lot...but woke up this morning and weighed in and BAM! Still the same weight....186.4 so no news is good news I guess! HAHA!

Hope you all have a very blessed week! I'm off to the salon!

Weigh in Day :)

Every Monday is my actual weigh in day, but to be honest, I weigh every-single-solitary-day. It's really sad, but I have to admit, I live to see that number on the scale move. I long for the day when I won't care about that number. And it's getting closer and closer. I know that I will forever live in maintenance mode, but I can handle that! I'm excited about that! So...here's the results for the week.

SW: 281.8
CW: 188.8

I lost 1.4 lbs since Friday. And 2.6 lbs in the last month. Slowly but surely! Just the way I like it!

Have a good week everybody!

I'm only 7 lbs away from 100 lbs lost! WOOT WOOT!

Breakthrough!!!

Today marks the day that I broke into the 180's!!!! Ya know...when you get stuck, and that scale just won't move, you think you'll never hit that weight that you've been working to get to....ever. But then that little number moves just a little and it renews your hope! I am in no way at my goal, but holy smokes I'm close!!!

SW: 281.8

CW: 189.2

I am a meer 9.2 lbs away from weighing 180 lbs!!! That's been my goal since before I got my surgery! It's so close, I can taste it!

When I hit 199, I was scared to death that I would either stop right there, or go back up....but here at 189, I'm feeling pretty confident that I'm going to keep going down. Slowly but surely :)

Onto other things....I did my first bridal hairstyle yesterday as a professional! It turned out amazing! Plus, she's like drop dead gorgeous, so it really wouldn't matter what I did, she'd make it look good. So happy for the newly weds! Here's a pic...until next week :)

ooops...

Well, its been forever. I haven't been losing anything so I figured I might as well not update. I weighed in today and I've lost .4 lbs.

SW: 281.8
CW: 190.2

I'm a happy camper. I think this might be my bodies happy weight. If I could get my nip and tuck now, I really think I'd be perfect. Well in my eyes...lol...I've never wanted to be stick thin. Just healthy. I look really great and healthy right now. My boobs are driving me crazy...but what's new? LOL I definitely see a boob job in my future...lol...and my stomach looks disgusting...so much loose skin. Oh well...it'll get chopped off....eventually. I feel so great and I can run with my kiddos, so I'm a happy camper.

Work is awesome. I've hit a few snags but I think I've handled it pretty well. All I know is that I love what I do and I have people that think I'm pretty darn good at what I do too.

NSV!!

I did a 12 minute mile this morning!! YAY ME!! I usually take 15 minutes...but not today!

I'm feeling really good...I've been eating like crap though....I did really well yesterday...I let Dr.Pepper in...and now I'm trying to kick him out again....I love that stuff...My doctor said one a day won't kill me...but I know me...one will turn into 2...3...4...etc. And I don't want that. So I figure if I treat it like sweets I'll be ok....every once in a while.

Things at the salon are going good. It has been a slow week, but that's alright...I've made enough to cover booth rent and at this point, that's really all I care about :) I really love what I do.

I've been working more on the emotional sides of things. I'm sick of looking in the mirror and still seeing that 300lb fat girl...I would really like to start seeing what everyone else sees. I was cutting hair yesterday and I caught a glimpse of her. It was crazy and mildly surreal. My client asked if everything was alright...cause I'm pretty sure I vapor locked and stared for a second...lol...I have a waist...pure craziness...lol...and I could see my collar bone yesterday....I haven't seen that since I was like 16....but it's there. I was laying in bed and I could see my ribs sticking out...and my hips....and all I could think was damn...that's disgusting! LMAO But I know that when I get my tuck and boob job done, it will all keep falling into place.

I weighed in this morning and I weigh 191.2. So I'm down .2 lbs. That's cool! Especially with the amount of weights I've been lifting and the amount of CRAP I've been eating...LOLOL

Oh well...til next time :)

BIG DAY!!

SW: 281.8

CW: 191.4

WOOOOHOOOOO!! Today marks the day that I've lost 90 lbs!!! SWEEEEET! February 6th, was my 8 month anniversary and I'm super excited to hit this milestone so close to that date....because that was my goal....YAY!

These past few weeks have been so trying for us....Jaxon has been bullied at school...I found out that some people I've called friends didn't think the same thing about me...and well, it sucks when you call one of the most important people in your life for guidance and they don't pick up their phone or call you back....so...my goal for today....don't cry. My son gets his emotional side from me....I'm not ashamed to admit that....I wear my heart on my sleeve and admit when I'm wrong and apologize only when I mean it. So yeah....what a week.

But here's to a new day! It may just be a number, but those numbers are my goals....:)

Hope everyone has a great week! It's almost the weekend!! :)